It started at school
by Dashed
Summary: "Being in love with someone who didn't love you back – there was nothing more humiliating or galling for Regina Mills." This should have been a short smutty tale about Emma and Regina in boarding school. Instead it's a long smutty tale about Regina and Emma throughout their life. SwanQueen. Boarding school AU.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine and you guys know this has absolutely no legal validity right?

A/N: This was supposed to be a short smutty fic that was a thinly veiled excuse for Regina and Emma to have sex in a school uniform. Then it devolved into an angsty hate-that-I-love you relationship because I apparently can't write simple kink. I also need a break from writing fluff from 'Too Soon' but don't worry I'm still updating that.

Warnings: Some domestic abuse ahead.

XxXx

Regina Mills hated Emma Woods (as she was called back then) from the moment she entered Skycastle. There was no way that a girl like her, obviously born and raised in a ditch, should be at the prestigious boarding school run by her mother. The first day Emma showed up at the school she stood with four other girls that also didn't belong.

"Ah, Regina darling," her mother turned, smoothing down the lapels of her suit, as Regina stood at the top of the stairs in her pristine uniform. "You're finally here. I was beginning to think I would have to show our new students around myself."

"Rehearsals ran late, I'm sorry Ms Mills," Regina answered coming down to stand beside her mother. She wasn't allowed to call her 'mother' during school hours.

"No fear, we want you to do your best and thus make our school look the best," Ms Mills smiled for the new girls benefits. "Regina is the Prefect of your year and also the lead in the school ballet. She has graciously taken time out to show you around and will be around if you need help during your time here."

Regina was eyed dismissively or with derision by the bunch. Emma however just looked bored, the rag tag little group were all wearing their normal clothes but Emma's had been by far the rattiest. Her oversized jeans were held up with a belt that had holes cut out from homemade notches, her jumper looked like it came from good will and her sneakers were scuffed and filthy. She didn't have a coat or any interest in the place at all. Her indifference and appearance rankled Regina immediately. She wasn't used to people ignoring her, in hindsight that was probably the only reason Emma Woods made it onto Regina's radar and never left.

"These are the scholarship children we're taking in for the government grant. Show them their dorms and their classes but don't waste too much time on them. You have more important things to be doing than coddling the likes of these," Her mother muttered to her quietly behind her hand before letting it fall and giving the group a wide smile. "I'll let you get on, Regina should be done with the tour in time for dinner, I know you must be hungry, some of you have come a long way."

Regina rolled her eyes. She remembered hating the idea that their school had to stoop to taking in the impoverished. Her mother was dead set on expanding the music hall and the government grant was the only way to do that without annoying their rich alumni for more money. It also helped with their diversity record as political correctness was forced down their throats. At least the test scores had to be exceedingly high to qualify for entry into Skycastle, Regina couldn't handle both poor and _stupid_ besmearing the halls.

"Come along, and keep up, I don't repeat myself and I won't waste anymore of my time than I have to," Regina said briskly once her mother was out of earshot. She took off down the mahogany panelled halls and away from the marbled entrance hall.

"Aren't you going to even ask us our names?" One girl asked snidely. Time and disinterest had robbed Regina of her name and even her face. Most of the scholarship students had either kept their heads down and made the most of this golden opportunity or they didn't. Skycastle would just be another school they had got kicked out off, albeit with a slightly better class of people doing the kicking.

"Why would I fill my head with that useless information?" Regina asked. She remembered being genuinely curious. Emma had called her bitchy. The distraction posed by the question had stopped her from evading Mary-Margret Blanchard as she clumsily knocked into her.

Mary-Margret dropped the stack of books she was carrying. Mary-Margret spouted her useless apologies as she bent down to gather her books. "Watch where you're going Blanchard," Regina snapped, then spied a few of the books titles, "what are you doing with those? Non-library books have to go through special permissions from the head mistress. Do you have your permission slips?"

"These are for a project. It's a medieval folk lore paper for English and since most folk lore devolved into fairytales I was doing additional context," Mary-Margret babbled nervously.

"And through all that I didn't hear whether or not you have your permission slips," Regina glared.

"They're still being processed, since they aren't on the banned list, I didn't think there would be any harm bringing them in-" Mary-Margret looked white, as she fiddled with a large golden hard backed book of fairy tales.

"-What a surprise! You thought wrong. Rules are there to be obeyed, I'm confiscating those books until their permission slips arrive," Regina held out her hand meaningfully.

"They're just books," Emma rolled her eyes as she picked up the last of the fallen books and handed it back to Mary-Margret. "Relax a little."

"Excuse me?" Regina rounded on her furiously but the blonde met her with cool eyes.

"Blanchard was it? How about you give me a tour of this place and I'll help you carry those books?" Emma, arrogant and pointlessly rebellious even then, slung her arm around Mary-Margret replacing her as Regina's most hated person in school.

"Those books are being confiscated and you haven't finished the tour," Regina drew herself up but Emma just shot her an unconcerned grin.

"You want these books? Come take them," Emma dared, her grin holding a rough edge to it.

Regina remembered reading about inner city kids that carried knives and guns to school, and while she was almost certain that Skycastle had excellent security that would have checked for dangerous weapons, the look in Emma's eye made her equally certain that this girl was dangerous without them.

"Didn't think so. Come on," she pulled Mary-Margret passed the group and down the hall, "the tour isn't mandatory and I can find my own way, always have."

"I'm going to report this! Both of you! What's your name?!" Regina yelled in frustration.

Emma flicked her blonde hair and lightly called back, "why fill your head with such useless information?"

Mary-Margret of course did get two weeks detention for unsanctioned books and Emma served a day's detention for behaviour unbecoming of a Skycastle student. Regina Mills however was not one to let go of a slight and that is how she met Emma Woods and came to hate her.

XxXx

Regina even with her ability to hold a grudge might never have had the opportunity to settle with Emma had it not been for Mary-Margret. Mary-Margret had volunteered to be Emma's guide and Emma was immediately transferred into her classes. The classes Mary-Margret shared with Regina, meaning that apart from the advanced classes that Regina took alone, the three of them shared lessons.

Emma had even joined up for the production as Mary-Margret was dancing in it. She was backstage help of course, all the roles had been cast and Emma didn't have the grace or poise necessary for ballet. But the friendship between Mary-Margret and Emma continuously brought Emma back into Regina's life and a routine developed.

Emma was late to class, Mary-Margret made excuses for her, Regina had to give them both detention. Emma was late to turn in assignments, Mary-Margret helped her complete them, Regina had to supervise to make sure there was no cheating. Emma snuck out from the dorms after curfew, Mary-Margret acted as her look out, Regina acted as their warden. It was driving Regina crazy how they would flaunt the rules so carelessly. If they weren't careful they would be reported to her mother and even Regina wouldn't be able to save them then.

"Honestly dear, the way you keep looking at the two of them, I can't tell if you want to kill them or screw them," Maleficent said from behind her dusty tome. Regina knew that she was hiding a banned magazine but she had long ago given up on trying to make Maleficent follow the rules.

"Don't be disgusting," Regina sneered handing Maleficent her detention slip.

Maleficent took it with a roll of her eyes. She probably had enough to fill her own forest. "What's disgusting is that you're almost eighteen and haven't even masturbated. No wonder you're high strung."

Regina let out an aggravated sigh. The best policy was to ignore Maleficent and her crudeness. She was not a long term asset as her career prospects were minimal. Her father had locked her up here to prevent her scandalising the family. "They constantly flaunt the rules," Regina glared at the small group around Emma and Mary-Margret. They were loud and obnoxious filling the common room with their shrieks of good humour. "Honestly I don't know why she's even stayed here. Most of the other delinquents have been kicked out or dropped out."

"Perhaps she's here just to annoy you. Obviously God didn't think your mother was punishment enough and has sent someone else to torture the poor long suffering Regina," Maleficent drawled sitting up and throwing away the _Iliad_ and reading her magazine out in the open.

"I will confiscate that," Regina threatened.

"Look there's a great article about political sex scandals. You should read it unless you plan to be the most boring president in history," Maleficent smirked.

"Doing your job well isn't boring," Regina snatched the magazine from Maleficent's lax grip. "And this is complete trash. Maybe you should actually read your copy of the Iliad instead of using it to hide your stupid magazines. Perhaps then you'll contribute an opinion worth considering."

"I'll find a worthwhile opinion in a book older than your mother?" Maleficent snorted, "I doubt it. Not that you care since you're back to staring like a stalker at those two. Or is it just the one?"

Regina who had been glaring at Emma blushed. She had only been staring because in the few months that she had been here trouble had followed the bottled blonde (also against regulations). Obviously it was just good sense for a Prefect to keep an eye on trouble makers.

"You're going to be one of those repressed Republican's that gets caught screwing her maid or secretary," Maleficent muttered, but Regina didn't hear as she was already back to glaring at Emma.

XxXx

Mary-Margret was an extra swan in the schools production of Swan Lake. She convinced Emma to sign up as backstage crew which meant that Regina had to deal with her even there. Regina would be training hard and completely absorbed in the movements of the dance and Emma would stroll past in second had low riding jeans, tight t-shirt she was obviously growing out of and a smirk that she was already growing into. She reeked of poverty and completely disregarded any professionalism as she told rude jokes and laughed loudly with the other crew. It was her fault that Regina took so long to master her role. Most things in her life back then had been Emma's fault.

"How is everything?" Her mother asked Mr Scrolls, the dance teacher and director.

"The boys from Groundtree have been excellent. James in particular has taken to his role as prince with surprising gusto while Graham is a terribly unconvincing bag guy. He dances Rothbart's part well but he doesn't play the character."

"And my girls?" her mother's tone was light and inquiring but Regina had felt her intense gaze on her as she moved into _arabesque, (_standing on one leg, the other out straight behind at waist height, her arms spread wide, head forward).

"They're doing well. Our star is having a little trouble. She has the role of Odile down to a magnificent degree, I've seen seasoned professionals struggle for the understanding Regina seems to have for the black swan. But that is only a minor part of the ballet, most of the time she is Odette and her performance is lacking," Mr Scrolls scowled. He spoke loudly so everyone could hear.

"How unfortunate," her mother's mild tone of displeasure made Regina tremble slightly. "I think I shall start supervising practice. It might give the girls a little incentive."

Her mother was an even harsher task master than Mr Scrolls. Even Emma had stop playing around and laughing during practice. This turned out to be a blessing as Regina could not have afforded any distractions under her mother's watchful eye. The weeks leading up to the opening night were the most stressful of Regina's school career. It took its toll on everyone with her mother's harsh form of encouragement being unusually gifted to those other than Regina, although she did receive the brunt.

"And that's it for today girls," her mother called. She gripped Regina by the arm hard enough to make her want to flinch. She didn't though, she knew better than to draw negative attention like that, "you are to stay here and practice. How many times do I have to tell you how important this is Regina? This ballet has to be a hit, the entire alumni is coming and they won't want to sponsor a school with merely mediocre performers," her mother shook her head looking sad, "honestly I think you do this to hurt me, I know you can do better."

"I'm sorry mother, I'll try harder," Regina promised. She bit her lip as her mother left, shutting off the lower lights near the doors, leaving only half the hall lit.

Regina practiced over and over in the empty room, her flaws were continuously flung back at her through the mirrored walls as her mother's disappointed face beat at her with every tremble of her weak limbs. She had finally had enough, the stilted movements of Odette gave way to Odile's passionate seduction, she spun and thrust with a desperate energy as she mentally transformed into the black swan and flew away from her mistakes.

She remembered those days of dancing, pushing her body until it was exhausted. She remembered how the manic movements were both an escape and an affirmation of her cage. There were nights she practiced so hard that she swore her muscles would burst into flame. She remembered her lungs constantly on the edge of collapse as she rationed their oxygen to a painful degree. She remembered Emma emerging from the dark to change her life.

"That's the black swan bit right?" Emma asked titling her head.

Regina's pirouette came to an abrupt jerky end at Emma's interruptions. She was sweating and out of breath as she regarded Emma with surprise and suspicion. "Yes, it is," she confirmed slowly as she picked up her towel from the barre. She mopped at her face gently, her thoughts were slow and sluggish, still in the process of being dragged to the present.

"Yeah, you always seem better at that than the white swan bit more...real. I guess you like that role more?" Emma laughed as she came closer. "You empathise with the evil man stealing woman?"

"I didn't think you knew the story. Actually I didn't think you knew much beyond pointless rebellion and how to carry out your tasks as loud and bothersome as possible," Regina bristled at Emma's insinuation. "Odile's dance is simpler, her character one note, playing Odette however is more challenging. She falls in love and holds a purity and innocence that belies her tragic past. None of these are traits I have experience with nor care too." Later it was easier to see why she connected with the black swan better. How could a character existing only to carry out a task to satisfy her parent's ambition not resonate with her?

"You don't want to fall in love?" Emma extended a water bottle as she raised her eyebrow at Regina.

"Not right now, I'm much too busy," Regina wrapped the towel around her neck. She didn't know why she was still standing there. This was almost like a conversation.

Emma sat the water bottle on the barre where it lent against the mirror between them since Regina refused to take it. "You watch me all the time," she said slowly, and the words sounded accusing to Regina as they reverberated inside her.

"I do not!" Regina protested sharply.

"Not lately," Emma acknowledged, "you're wrapped up in this little show so you haven't lately. But you used to, all the time. I would look around and there you were, staring at me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she shook her head and backed away. Of course she knew what Emma's was talking about.

"Yes you do, girls like you always know," Emma grabbed the ends of the towel and stopped Regina's retreat. She pulled them closer, Regina remembered being paralysed by her knowing eyes. "Little rich girl that thinks she's above it all," Emma gave her a slow smirk as she tilted her head. Regina bristled, it was clear Emma was laughing at her, "...but the poor little rich girl can't stop herself from watching me. You know exactly what you're doing. What you want me to do."

"That's disgusting," Regina said but she didn't back away. She didn't move as Emma drew closer, she only stared at Emma's lips and bit her own.

"Then push me away," Emma smirked.

Regina couldn't.

The kiss was confident, Emma had obviously done this before. Regina hated the feeling of playing catch up, she didn't know what way to hold herself, to tilt her head and most humiliating of all, she forgot how to breathe. Emma was insistent pressing close and bringing her hand up to Regina's shoulder. Emma lead and Regina followed without protest, a rare event in their relationship.

Emma Woods had been her first kiss. She hadn't stolen it but she hadn't asked either. Regina resented her for it anyway. Emma could have easily waited until Regina wasn't in sweat slicked clothing or exhausted from hours of practice, she should have allowed Regina to at least fix her hair or put on make-up. But no Regina was sweaty, panting, messy and bare, which was the start of a terrible pattern with her encounters with Emma.

"Why did you do that?" Regina asked as the kiss broke and she had time to be alarmed.

"I like you watching me," Emma shrugged, "I missed it."

Regina stared. It wouldn't be the last time Emma left her speechless.

XxXx

"No! No! No!" Mr Scrolls yelled as Mary-Margret tripped. She caused the rest of the swan behind her fall as well leaving them in a white feathered heap. "Blanchard! Keep your eyes forward! Your chin up! We have two weeks until the opening night! Fun time is over!"

Regina rolled her eyes as the seamstress put the finishing touches on her Odette costume. She was unaware 'fun time' had even started, this ballet was anything but fun for her.

"Again!" Mr Scrolls snapped.

The swans went back to the start. They were in costume and running through different scenes so Mr Scrolls and her mother could get a feeling for the overall production. The seamstress gave her a tentative smile and stepped back, not a moment too soon as Regina's cue came. She launched out on to the stage to join her swans. Odette's role was still hard to master, but she had the movement down to an almost mechanical precision.

The soft music gave way to the Prince's theme as James boldly entered the scene, in costume for the first time. The prince character did not usually wear a cape but James had insisted he have one. It was a heavy red material with a gold trim and the way he whipped it about gave a distinctive flare to his movements. James understood the character of the prince and his love for the role really shone through.

Regina did her best to keep up with him. Her hesitance in the white swan role worked to her advantage in this scene at least since Odette would be tentative when confronted with her prince for the first time. Regina however, hated the fact that James was the star of this scene due to her incompetence. She loved being the black swan, in those scenes she left him three steps behind gasping to catch up with her as she seduced, him, the audience and the whole world.

It came time for the embrace. She clasped James's hands and too late saw the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. James was a terrible joker, his fantastic work ethic would lapse at the most inappropriate times as he embarked on what he considered to be 'good fun.' He tightened his grip when he felt her try to pull away, was he actually going to kiss her? The grin on his face said that he was.

Even in her later years the look on James's face as a sand bag swung down from backstage and smacked him in the head never failed to put a smile on Regina's face.

James went reeling into the line of swan causing Mary-Margret to fall for the second time that day. "What the hell?!" Mr Scrolls yelled "who was that!?"

"Sorry Mr Scrolls," Emma said trying for sheepish but coming of dismissive. "Sandbag slipped good thing it happened now and not on opening night."

"James I don't care if you have a concussion, get back up! Practice has not ended yet," Mr Scrolls snapped. "And Regina stop making that ugly face every time James touches you. You're supposed to be in love! Gha! Asking teenagers to understand love is a ridiculous waste of time!"

"Now Mr Scrolls," her mother's soft voice cut across the noise of the room without effort. She sat primly in a director's chair her eyes taking in everything, "don't be so harsh, of course it's hard for them to understand. Love is like a fairy tale, a story told multiple ways with complex undertones," she looked straight into Regina's eyes to tell her yet again about the truth of love, _it's a fairy tale for children and ultimately a lie._

"You were jealous," Regina said smugly as Emma pulled her into the empty English room. Her back hit the wall beside the door as Emma pushed her roughly against it. She spared a moment to lock the door before she was pulling Regina into a kiss.

Regina was better at it now, she had had the practice. Emma would seek her out push her against something or pull her to her. It was always Emma that sought her out, Regina refused to give in, but she also refused to fight. She would wait impatiently for Emma's touch on her arm, a pointed look or insult, but she would wait and never instigate, and that had to mean something. It had to make her less guilty.

"The bag slipped," Emma's breath was ragged as she pulled back to lie, "and he can't kiss you like I can."

No, no one ever could.

"And why not? He'd probably kiss better, he's a boy," Regina needled her. Emma's eyes darkened as she seemed to surround Regina. Her heat was maddening as her body and arms acted like a cage trapping Regina against the wall and her own want. "He wouldn't need to stand on his toes to kiss me, he's handsome, tall and broad-"At the thought of someone else pressing against her like this, kissing her like Emma did, Emma's eye's took on a hard quality that made something inside Regina shivered as her whole body tingled.

"-And not what you want," Emma's voice was hard, almost condescending. It had that smug superior tone that Regina always hated, like Emma knew exactly how much she affect Regina.

"I don't want – oh," Regina gasped as all her awareness rushed to her hand. Emma had taken it and pressed it against her breast over her school shirt. She could feel Emma's hand cupping her own squeezing it softly forcing her hand against the swell of her breast. Even through the shirt the heat and softness was maddening. It cut off Regina's protests as all the moisture in her mouth vanished.

She could feel the faint hint of the pattern of Emma's bra. She pressed firmly with her thumb tracing the little flower shapes around the edges of the breast. She bit her lip and looked down to see her hand sandwich between Emma. The shadow of the black bra could clearly be seen underneath the thin white shirt. Regina should have given her detention, she should have demanded that Emma put on her school jumper as this was clearly a violation of the rules. But the only thing she could do was squeeze the soft giving flesh and try to keep her mind from spinning as she felt skin start to pebble at the palm of her hand.

Emma was smug. Regina could feel it in the kiss that was trying to consume her. Emma had her hands on Regina's hips as she pressed close enough to make their blue pleated skirts ride up a little. The soft cotton of their socks brushed against each other as Emma slowly and deliberately worked her way to stand between Regina's legs.

Regina pulled away flushed and overwhelmed. She tried to hide her almost petrified look. This was all too much. Kissing Emma most of the time was not enjoyable. Her stomach was always in knots and her skin was always tingling with nerves as she was afraid of making a fool out of herself, Emma was like a furnace and Regina always grew uncomfortably hot around her, causing her to become sweaty and red. She hated being so out of control but she couldn't stop the hunger, the need that overwhelmed her common sense and left a sick lurching wave that bounced between desire and insecurity.

Emma chuckled at her and Regina's nerves snapped into anger. _How dare she-! How dare-!_ Emma kissed her again softly before drawing her face down into her neck letting her hide, letting her get her breath and mind back. Regina, still angry, remained stiff but slowly relaxed as Emma softly stroked her back and kissed her hair. She could still feel the smug smile but could ignore it more easily now that she didn't have to see it.

"He can't make you feel like this," Emma promised. "No one can."

No, no one ever did.

XxXx

"You stumbled again," her mother said softly as Regina shut the door to her office. "Lock it."

Regina tried to stop the shaking of her hand as it fumbled with the lock. She glared coolly at a passing first year that showed too much interest as she passed by. She heard her mother get up and come out from behind her large foreboding desk. With controlled movements she drew down the blind to cover the window blocking the secretary's sympathetic gaze.

"I have told you over and over Regina how important it is that you get this right," her mother sighed and Regina felt the disappointment like a blow. "Are you out to hurt me Regina? After everything that happened with your father, are you still not content? Must you make me do this too?"

"I'm sorry mother," Regina bit her lip to stop the excuses that would only make her angrier. "I did my best..." she muttered.

The sudden shock of her mother's tight grip on her jaw slammed Regina's head against the window of the door. Her mother pressed her against it roughly her eyes blazing like flint as her mouth twisted in scorn. "Regina we both know that isn't true. My daughter is smart and graceful not a clumsy ox. You're so much better than this but your laziness will cost us everything. You have to try harder."

Regina held her breath and had to fight the tears. Her mother deflated when she saw them shining in her eyes, "oh Regina, why do you make me do this? Can't you see I just want what's best for you?"

Her mother stepped back and shook her head. When she looked up she was in tears too, "why do you hurt me this way Regina?"

"I'm so sorry," Regina felt the guilt twist in her stomach at the anguish. She was a horrible daughter. "Please, don't cry. I'll do better."

"You always say that and yet here we are again," Her mother hugged herself. Regina went to her wanting to reach out but grew hesitant. Those were the same hands that had strangled her last month.

"I'm sorry," she begged for understanding, "maybe I'm just not good enough-"

"Don't be foolish!" Her mother snapped her tears gone, "of course you are. You're going to be running this country one day Regina. You can't doubt yourself. We'll just have to work on making you better. You promise from now on to do your best don't you dear?"

"Yes mother," Regina quickly nodded.

"That's my girl," her mother smiled and Regina felt proud that she had finally said something right. "Good now bring me the black thorn. We can't have you forgetting this lesson, now can we?"

Regina paled and did what she was asked.

When it was over she headed straight to her room. As Prefect she only had one roommate and Belle French knew better than to ask questions. Regina paused to look at after school board rather than try and fight her way through the group that was coming towards her. She felt a familiar prickle of awareness and looked around. Emma was with the group but paused to look at her suspiciously.

Regina straightened up to glare out of reflex but the motion caused her to flinch and cradle her ribs. Emma looked at her in surprise and stepped forward. Regina scowled and stepped back.

"Emma, what's wrong?" Mary-Margret called out warily.

Emma eyed her for a long moment before turning around dismissively. "Nothing's wrong. Nothing that's any of my business anyway."

XxXx

Regina rested her forehead against the horse's neck and took a deep breath. The familiar smell of the stables was comforting and other than the slight rustling of the horses, the silence was calming. Practice had been hell with both Mr Scrolls and her mother punishing her for her stilted performance, but she couldn't go to sleep. Instead she had broken curfew and slipped out to the barn to be with the horses. She was much too sore to ride but just being around them was relaxing as she knew her mother hated horses and would never find her here.

Of course that didn't stop Emma.

"You have blood on your shirt," Emma said coldly.

Regina turned sharply "what are you doing here? It's after curfew!"

"Pot, kettle," Emma snorted. One of the horses a young buck, tossed his head and came to see what the noise was about. Emma shied away from him with a cautious glare. It surprised Regina how much Emma didn't like animals.

"I came here to think, a crime that no one would accuse you off," Regina said sharply trying to discreetly tidy up her face. She couldn't remember when she had stopped crying and was worried she looked terrible.

"They also can't accuse me of abuse," Emma folded her arms grimly. "You know what she's doing to you is wrong."

"What would you know about it?!" Regina snapped and the horse, picking up her mood grew restless. She put a calming hand on him trying to find strength in his large form. "She wants me to do my best. She pushing me to be better, that's what a good mother does."

"So beating you so badly that you've ruined your shirt, that's just a prized technique of good mothering? 'Cause I got to tell you, I know a few foster parents that have plagiarised it," Emma glared.

"Shut up! What would you know about mothers?" Regina just wanted to hide behind Goliath because Emma was not even remotely comforting. She never was.

"Oh, please, I might have been found in a forest but it doesn't mean I was raised there. Wake up Regina your mother is an abusive asshole," Emma lent on the door of the stall but wouldn't enter.

"My mother loves me and I don't need you sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong," Regina's voice was indignant. She resented the accusation that she was an abused child. She had seen the videos in health class and she wasn't like those snivelling victims. Her mother was making her better, she was going to be President one day.

"You're right," Emma shrugged lightly, "it's your life."

Regina nodded but it didn't feel like she had won anything. The despair only sunk deeper. Emma held open the stall door for her careful not to get to close to the horse. She didn't resist when Emma pulled her into a kiss. When her back hit the wall she hissed as the fresh welts were aggravated. Emma eased up but Regina realised she didn't want space.

She wanted to sink into Emma and forget. Eventually when she pushed through the nerves and fears this felt good and Regina desperately needed to feel good about something tonight. Emma must have sensed something change. Regina's kisses were frantic and hungry and she didn't protest when Emma started to unbutton her shirt.

Regina couldn't think, the fire in her was eating her alive. The panic was a distant buzz in the back of her head that threatened to overtake her but it wasn't in charge yet. There was a snap as Emma undid her bra leaving Regina feeling oddly vulnerable. Her breath hitched as Emma's hands came up to cup her bare flesh for the first time.

The kissing grew in intensity until Emma broke it off drawing back with dark eyes. Regina's breathing was coming fast and thin making her feel light headed. She watched Emma's eyes take in the bruises and the welts for the first time and she felt ugly. The urge to cover up was overwhelming but when she tried Emma stopped her.

"What are you doing? These are the marks that make you better right? Shouldn't you wear them proudly?" Emma's eyes were hard as her thumb traced the welt dangerously close to her collar bone.

Her mother's hand had slipped on the belt causing it to wrap around her shoulder instead of striking her back. It was the only mark that might be visible when Regina had her uniform on. Her mother was careful to keep her arms and face blemish free. Most people wouldn't understand her version of tough love.

Emma's gaze made her feel awful and Regina just wanted to stop feeling so bad for once. She drew Emma back to kissing hoping to use that to make herself feel better. Emma was rougher now, nearly growling at her and it didn't feel good at all. She just wanted to- she just wanted...something.

When Emma grabbed her hand and roughly shoved it towards the hem of her drawstring pants Regina froze. When Emma's hand began to unbutton her own jeans her frayed nerves broke completely and she beat at Emma's hands until they were off her.

"Stop! Just stop!" She snapped backing away. She was surprised when Emma did. She wasn't used to that word having power. "Stop," she said again, it sounded so strange to say it.

Emma looked at her warily still glaring. She was obviously annoyed but Regina couldn't tell if it was because she had to stop or if it was something else. She drew the edges of her shirt together the constriction making her feel slightly better as it was almost like a hug.

"Stop," she said dully again looking down. _Please just stop_.

"I'm nowhere near you!" Emma snapped think Regina was talking to her. "I don't need you accusing me of anything, especially considering how fidget you are."

Regina looked at her and Emma flinched looking repentant. She ran her hands through her curls looking frustrated but no longer angry. "Listen, I'll just let you get back to what you were doing..."

She made to leave and before Regina could think she reached out and grabbed her. The thought of Emma being mad at her, of not coming back, made her panic. "Stay," she asked. Emma looked torn and Regina realised that unless she was willing to do more to keep Emma's interest she might leave and find someone else. Her grip tightened and she considered it.

It wouldn't be that bad. She was nearly eighteen plenty of girls had done it already. In fact she was starting to feel like she was the strange one for wanting to wait. Sex wasn't that special but it would mean that she wouldn't have to be alone.

Goliath whinnied and Regina realised what she looked like. She was gripping on to Emma asking, no begging her to stay, and actually considering giving up her principles so she wouldn't have to be alone anymore. With a jerk she let go and straightened up with a defensive scowl. She didn't need Emma. She didn't need anyone, her life was perfect. She was going to be the President of the greatest country on earth.

Emma must have realised she hesitated to long. She stepped closer as Regina felt her entire face shut down into a sneer. "Regina..." she tried to say but Regina was finished making a fool out of herself.

"It's after curfew, if we're not careful we might get locked out. I'll head back first and leave the kitchen door ajar. You should have no trouble sneaking in," Regina sniffed and added "your kind never do."

Emma bristled and the pity on her face dissolved which was what Regina wanted. She didn't need pity and she certainly didn't want it from Emma Woods of all people.

Regina pulled her into a punishing kiss that Emma returned in kind. When they broke apart Regina roughly shoved passed her. "This changes nothing between us," she declared but she looked at Emma and breathed a sigh of relief when Emma nodded. "And don't you dare speak badly of my mother."

XxXx

"Ow!"

"Oh my God! Regina I'm so sorry!" Mary-Margret gushed wide eyed and stupefied as Regina clutched her ankle in agony.

"Blanchard!" Mr Scrolls scathing voice cut across the music "don't stand there gaping! Go get the nurse! I swear if Regina's broken her ankle I will string you up and use your guts for Halloween decorations!"

Mary-Margret paled and ran but Regina could barely breathe as the pain made set her ankle on fire. Her mother wasn't due until five and the thought of her ankle being broke made Regina want to throw up in fear. She couldn't let her mother see her like this. "I'm fine," she said through gritted teeth and heaved herself to her feet.

"Don't you dare!" Mr Scrolls snapped "wait until the nurse gets here. I swear that pale faced bambi reject is out to ruin me! Someone get Regina a chair!"

"I'm fine," Regina insisted she placed her full weight on her ankle to show him. The pain was so intense it made her scream and she would have collapsed if James hadn't caught her. She really started to panic now and her breathing was coming in far too sharp.

Her mother would kill her.

"Hey, calm down," James tried to sound comforting but she just wanted to kill him.

The nurse arrived looking harried and hurried on stage. She gingerly poked at Regina's ankle and Regina had to stop herself from screaming. "It doesn't feel broken but I'm going to need you to take of the costume to get a good look," the nurse muttered.

Regina's heart seized. Odette's costume was a one piece with tights and a tutu, she would have to take everything off and the nurse would see- "no," she shook her head. "I'm fine."

"I don't mean to take everything off here," the nurse rolled her eyes thinking Regina was being dramatic.

"I need to see my mother," Regina tried instead.

"Like this? No, absolutely not," Mr Scrolls said looking fearful. "James, Graham, get Regina to one of the dressing rooms so the nurse can see to her."

Regina bit her lip but didn't know what would be worse. If she made a scene then people would talk but if the nurse saw and started asking questions. She eventually went with James and Graham trying to stall for time.

When the door of the dressing room opened it wasn't the nurse that came in but Emma. "What do you want?" Regina snapped. She didn't have time to waste arguing.

Emma rolled her eyes and went to where Regina had sat her injured ankle on a chair. "Hold still," she ordered and before Regina could protest, she had used a pair of scissors to cut the tights right done the middle. She looked up with a grin, "good thing you shaved your legs or that could have been really embarrassing."

Regina stared at her dumbfounded but finally relaxed as she realised that she wouldn't have to undress. "Wardrobe is going to kill me you know," she said but really meant _thank you._

Emma's good humour left as she stared at Regina. "About the other night...I'm sorry," she said and brushed Regina's hair out of her face. Her thumb stroked over her cheek softly before she rested their foreheads together.

Regina remembered that moment as one of the few times Emma had ever made her feel safe.

Her ankle was swollen pretty badly which meant that she would have to rest it. She attended every practice however and watched silently as Mr Scrolls tried to subtly beg her mother to think about getting Regina an understudy. Her mother refused to even consider it and Regina felt worse every time her mother looked her way, she hadn't set out to her herself but the recrimination in her mother's eyes made her feel like she was responsible anyway.

Her nights consisted of watching every production of Swan Lake she could get her hands on. She ate up the different interpretations of Odette and copied what she could. Emma would sneak in and while the movie played in the background they would lie next to each other on the blanket. Most of the time they didn't even speak but it was the closest Regina had ever come to feeling happy.

XxXx

The opening night was a last minute panic. Backstage crew rushed around making sure props where in their proper places and all lighting was secured. Dancers rushed around in all states of undress as Mr Scrolls marshalled them one last time. Her mother was escorting the alumni to their prized seats in the front row while less well off parents filled the rows behind them.

Regina stood like a rock in the ocean of insanity.

Her head was bowed and she was taking even breaths. Her ankle stood firm its injury only a phantom memory kept at bay by pain killers. Her mother's pep talk had done nothing to ease her nerves but she refused to give into them. Her hair was pulled tightly into a bun and she concentrated on the painful pinch of the hairpins to take her mind of her rolling stomach.

"_This is it," she could still feel her mother's hard squeeze on her shoulder. "It all comes down to you now. Make me proud..."_

"Your ass looks huge with that frilly skirt," Emma pulled on her white tutu with a grin. She was dressed in black like the other stage crew but had two horizontal black streaks across each cheek like she was going to war.

Regina slapped her hand away; she was not in the mood to be teased. She was already feeling sick enough without having to deal with Emma and all the chaotic feelings she brought with her.

"Want to go for a quickie in the closet?" Emma's lassie fair attitude was grating.

"Shut up!" Regina hissed looking furiously about to see if anyone had overheard her. "Can't you take anything seriously?! In a matter of moments I'm going to be on stage in front of hundreds of potential investors! The fate of our school depends on me and I can't even dance Odette's part with any believability!"

"Hardly," Emma snorted and rolled her eyes, "so what if we don't get a high tech music room or brand new computers or whatever, the school will hardly close."

Regina gave her a withering glare.

"Ok, sheesh, I was just trying to relax you for your big début," Emma scowled "excuse me for trying to help you."

"Helping me is the last-ofmph!" Regina's angry retort was swallowed by Emma's lips pressing against her own. She tried to pull away but Emma just followed until she didn't fight anymore.

"I've never seen you look so pretty," Emma said as they pulled back. She tenderly wiped off the black smudge that transferred from her cheek to Regina's. "And when you dance, white swan or black swan, you command the room."

Regina was too stunned to respond.

"Curtain in five minutes!"

"Emma..." but Emma was already waving as she ran to get into position.

It was odd what she could remember of that night. She remembered the darkness of the stage as it tried to swallow the one lone spotlight that shone down on her. She remembered the movements coming to her more fluently than ever before. How the music would swell and crash taking her soul with it as if they were attached by more than sound. That even through the thunderous applause that seemed to make the room swell, the only thing affected her was Emma's small smile as she stood back stage watching over her.

XxXx

Of course the celebration didn't last long. Nothing good ever did. Her mother and several of the alumni walked in on them when Emma had come to congratulate her after the opening night. There was no room for pleading or denial. It was obvious what they had been doing. The fleeting moments of pride in her mother's eyes were shattered and never again to appear as she slammed the door behind her. It had been a long time since her mother beat her with her birch stick. Luckily she still knew how to hide the scars.

Then it was just a matter of waiting to see what would happen first. Would Emma leave or would her mother finally find a reason to expel her?

Her mother found every excuse to punish Emma. Every minor infraction was inflated to terrible proportions until Emma couldn't even walk down the corridor without getting detention. Everyday her mother belittled and degraded Emma in all her secret and vicious ways. Emma however, was not one to take this lying down. She stole the tires off Cora's car, put rotten fish behind the heater in her office and was finally caught vandalising her room.

When Emma was expelled she travelled around a lot, Regina kept all the postcards and emails she sent and had a mini map that tracked the blonde. The rest of the school year was a haze of studying and trying not to think about Emma. She never realised how lonely she was with only her mother for support. Her final tests came and went with top marks in each subject. Her mother enrolled her in a community project helping to feed the homeless for the summer along with other various charitable activities. She had already sent her letters off to colleges and was waiting to hear back.

Her mother had decided between Harvard and Yale pre law because that would be more useful to a politician. Regina was allowed the final choice between the two which she was thankful for. Emma sent her a postcard from Boston telling her she got a permanent job at a diner there.

"So you decided on Harvard?" Cora nodded as Regina told her that night. The postcard tucked safely into her lockbox. "That was where your father went." Her mother was a Yale women herself.

"I feel it's the best choice for my future," Regina nodded seriously.

"I'm glad you're finally taking it seriously," Cora smiled and gave her a rare hug.

Emma's face when Regina stepped into the small diner was amazing. Regina wished she had a camera, the blonde jumped into her arms, nearly knocking her back out the door, and wrapped her bare legs around Regina as she kissed her fiercely. That was the exhilarating moment that Regina knew she wasn't the only one invested in this thing that they were. The rough blue collar workers at the diner hooted and rattled their cups on the table but Regina had never felt more proud of herself.

"Why does your tag say 'Emma Swan'?" Regina asked when things had calmed down. The ugly pink diner uniform Emma wore had her nametag wrong.

"That's my name now, I changed it when I was a little drunk," Emma blushed and looked away, "hey let's get you some pie."

"But why Swan?" Regina ignored her trying to change the subject. Emma's embarrassed silence suddenly made sense and Regina started to laugh. She felt so light and wonderful that even Emma punching her arm couldn't bring her down. "You did it for me."

"I like swans, they're graceful and elegant," Emma denied hotly.

"And they remind you off me," Regina said drawing her back into a kiss. The diner hooted again and suddenly she didn't feel so bad spending half a year pinning.

"So you look hot in a leotard," Emma shrugged "sue me. Now C'mere."

For four years Emma worked at the diner and Regina visited almost every night she had free. During test time she would sit with her earphones in and an endless supply of coffee. She lived for Emma's breaks when the blonde would slid in beside her, making the linoleum squeak as she played with Regina's hair or blew in her ear, to annoy her. The owner had forbid them to make out in public as he didn't want to deal with the noise.

"You don't even like law," Emma coaxed trying to get Regina to out down the books and make out with her in the storage room.

"That's not the point. It's going to be my career and my mother will kill me if I get bad marks," Regina tried to defend herself but Emma had already pulled away. There were some things they just didn't talk about, Regina's mother was one of them, it was better that way.

XxXx


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So sorry I didn't post warnings you guys were right to pull me on that. I forget sometimes that sex isn't the only thing that needs a warning label. The first part has them as teenagers so there's no sex because writing teenage sex is not even remotely appealing to me which is good for legal reasons but bad for prompting warnings. Warnings are now up.

Warning for this chapter: Sex and slight violence, with bad language.

XxXx

They went to a concert, Regina didn't remember who was playing, it was Emma's sort of music. It was Emma sort of place. The music was hard rock with abused instruments, unintelligible screaming words and the only dancing necessary was jumping up and down and fighting the air. The concert was little more than an empty parking garage with a homemade stage and electric stolen from a street light. The ground was covered in sick, alcohol and drunks.

It was the best night of Regina's life.

She had just finished her finals for her first year of college. After an evening 'celebrating' with her mother which considered a fancy dinner and a planning session on her goals for next years tests, Regina had escaped to Emma's apartment.

Emma was waiting for her. She ambushed Regina forcing her out of her sweater vest and slacks and into a short denim skirt, a black sleeveless top with a stylized skull and leather boots that went past her knee. Emma was wearing her bust pair of frayed cut of jean shorts, her white wife beater and pointed boots with stiletto heels. She did their make-up, dark and heavy and insisted they wear bracelets with sharp silver spikes. Regina didn't look or feel anything like herself that night.

In her memory she remembers everyone staring at them. Taking in the amount of flesh on show, their glistening gyrating bodies as they danced both separately and together, she remembers feeling sexy. Not beautiful, or pretty, but sexy, wanted, desired by everyone in the thumping pumping crowd. It was exhilarating to let go, to have Emma right beside her allowing her to be free and keeping her sane and safe at the same time.

She remembers grabbing Emma off an overly friendly man in a leather jacket. Drawing Emma firmly against her and kissing her possessively as she glared at him. She remembered forgetting all about him as Emma kissed back. How their bodies felt pressed so tight together that there was no air between them. The illicit thrill of doing this in public, without restraint or decorum or any other pretence she had to put up.

After the concert they headed back to Emma's car, they didn't need to speak as they both got in the backseat without asking. They were on each other in a moment, hunger and need turning their kisses forceful. Regina didn't even pause as she almost ripped Emma's shirt off needing to feel skin. She felt Emma's thigh slip between her own and grinded against it. They had been grinding against each other when making out for months now. Emma called it dry fucking and Regina hated it when she did.

Usually there was no way it could be described as fucking. Sometimes it was soft and teasing as they slid against each other with smile and grins trying to see how far they could drive the other one before they had to stop. Even when it was hard, when they were angry or burning up with need, it still couldn't be fucking because Regina could never do something so base with Emma. They cared too much for the harsh emotion fucking required. Not that they sometimes didn't rut like animals against each other.

The night before Emma's birthday Regina had snuck in to surprise her and found her masturbating. She had gone from mischievous to unbearably embarrassed and aroused in seconds. Emma, she, she didn't stop. She looked straight at Regina standing in her doorway clutching her present and carried on.

Regina couldn't take her eyes away from the hand movements under the sheet. Emma kicked off the thin covering and Regina's legs almost gave out. She stumbled to the bed and sat at the end her eyes glued to Emma's glistening fingers as they moved. She had never seen Emma like that; spread open, wet, moaning on the bed and fighting to stop her eyes from squeezing shut.

Regina remembered wanting, wanting to replace Emma's fingers with her own, with her mouth. She wanted to keep watching, to join in, to take in every detail of this hidden part of her Emma. It was dark and hard to see but she could tell the shape was different, the smell- the smell was heady, like nothing she had ever known. She would have sat there paralysed all night if Emma hadn't lunged forward.

The present went flying through the air as Regina was forcefully pulled on top. Emma jerked roughly against her using her hands to get at Regina's belt, smearing her wetness all over Regina's pants. Emma even used her feet to get the trousers down far enough to pool at Regina's ankles and free her thighs.

Regina remembered whimpering, not that she would admit it, when she felt for the first time Emma against her thigh. The soft wet skin that hotly slid against her as Regina bucked her thigh against it. Emma digging her nails into her ass as her other leg slipping between Regina's own thighs and clutched at her pushing against the rough friction of Regina's underwear.

The first time she felt Emma come was around her thigh, it was almost an accident in how shocking it was. Emma clutched at her moaning, she threw her head back stretching her neck as she thrust against Regina. There was a light fluttering, a few convulsions against her thigh before more wetness and Emma lying slumped underneath her.

Regina remembered the boiling inside her, the frustration, happiness and shock. She let Emma hold her, still stunned at what happened. She hadn't even taken off her coat or her jumper and her pants were pooled around her feat. Undignified didn't even begin to cover how she must have looked.

"Was that okay?" Emma asked still out of breath. She worriedly stroke Regina's hair out of her face. Regina had always been the one to put the break on their physical activities, unsure if she was ready for sex, so often Emma worried about being too aggressive. "You're not traumatised right?"

She hadn't been traumatised, but it was all she had thought about for weeks. After the concert, seeing Emma so confident and cocky in her element, she wanted that again. She was finally ready and she wanted Emma to know that. She pressed the blonde's hand underneath her shirt against her aching chest.

Emma groaned hungrily pulling at the shirt. The kiss got more intense as Emma forced her onto her back in the cramped space. Regina's shirt disappeared thrown roughly to hang off the rear view mirror, followed quickly by her bra. The windows in the car had started to fog up as Emma dipped her head and attacked Regina's nipples.

The car's back seat was small and cramped and it was awkward but Regina didn't suggest stopping. Emma's apartment was only four blocks away but it felt like it was closer to the moon. Regina had had enough, she squirmed in the seat and grasped Emma's hand tugging it slowly and deliberately up her skirt until it brush her wet panties.

Emma's eyes widened even as she gasped. She drew back to look at Regina's face even as her fingers explored the crease through the material. "Are you sure?" She asked frowning slightly.

Regina knew Emma had expected her to want candle lights and silk sheets for her first time. She definitely didn't expect Regina to want it in the cramped back seat of her car in a dirt alley way after a grungy concert. But she did, she wanted Emma now. Not Emma nervous and tense trying to make everything perfect.

She wanted Emma fresh from her element. Cocky and confidence giving way to desire, love and affection. She wanted Emma with her smeared make-up, frayed clothes, dropping curls and hungry kisses. And she wanted to be the girl she was now, free and happy and somehow more honest in borrowed clothes and bad music, than she had ever been before.

But she couldn't say all that. She couldn't find the words and even if she did she would be too afraid to say them. Instead she bit her lip and nodded bring Emma back for a kiss. "I love you," she said softly because it had to be said. It was a secret between them that they both always knew.

Emma's face softened and she gave one of her rare unfiltered smiles that transformed her face. But she didn't say it back, she never did. Regina thought that one day she might, if she just waited. She never did.

It hurt and it was more odd than arousing to have Emma's fingers inside her. Honestly she was disappointed. The closeness was nice and the concentration on Emma's face as she fumbled made her heart feel full but it wasn't the fireworks she had read about. Or it wasn't until by shear accidently, Regina set her hips in such a way that Emma slipped much further inside than she had intended and there was a stretching and tearing that stung but the slip had caused Emma's thumb to rub straight up her clit in a way that sent pleasure shuddering through her.

Emma, not stupid by a long shot, realised what she'd done and so did it again, and again. Her fingers started to curl and her thumb teased in torturous strokes and it was just enough for Regina to come clenching and shaking around her.

It was the best night of her life.

XxXx

The debate was over, her team won naturally and she would be off to the future young leaders conference and then to the Brussels to intern at the UN. Cora had beamed proudly at her for the first time Regina could remember so she was riding high. Her professor had asked her to drop his briefcase off at his office on her way to the party and Regina, initially annoyed at the request, would come to be indebted to that professor's laziness.

"Congratulations Ms President."

Regina turned to see Emma leaning against the door of the professor's office. The briefcase fell to the floor with a dull thump. Emma was in a tight fitting red dress and heels. Her hair was curled around her face and her make-up was minimal just highlight her natural beauty. Standing in her formal skirt suit Regina felt decidedly frumpy.

"Emma, you look..." she couldn't find a word but Emma's smirked seemed to hear all the compliments anyway.

When Regina had haltingly invited Emma to her debate she didn't think the other woman would actually come. She had hoped but Emma had made it clear that the sort of people Regina hung around with were not the type she liked. She also might have mentioned that it seemed boring as hell.

"Well, I couldn't let you be embarrassed by me now could I?" Emma shut the door to behind her and leaned against the frosted glass. "Had to clean up a little for the upper crust."

"You do clean up well," Regina allowed as she got her emotions under control. It wouldn't do for Emma to think Regina was so easily won over, even if it was true.

Emma's eyes narrowed and there was a resounding click as she pointedly locked the door. "How about we ditch your stuff shirt celebration and celebrate on our own?"

"My mother..." Regina protested. This was a good time to network.

"Is definitely not invited," Emma scowled as she came closer. Even in a dress and heels Emma couldn't pull of feminine completely. Her walk was more of a strut as she knew Regina couldn't take her eyes off her.

Regina eyes the cleavage on display as Emma pressed against her. She was just above Regina's eye level in heels. Emma pushed her onto the desk automatically taking her place between Regina's thighs. "You were so hot up on that podium, arguing about climate change..."

"-Global justice systems and the hypocrisy of peace keeping actions," Regina corrected as Emma un-tucked her blouse.

"Yeah, that too," Emma dismissed as she started undoing buttons. "Everyone on that other team hated you. You made them look like idiots. You were so arrogant, obnoxious, condescending, superior," Emma punctuated each description by undoing another button and kissing the flesh it revealed. "And so damn hot. It reminded me of when you were a Prefect."

"And now I'm President of the debate team," Regina's breath hitched and she tangled her fingers in Emma's hair. She pulled her into a kiss.

"Hm," Emma pulled away her lipstick smudged around her grin, "I couldn't stop think about bending you over your little podium and fucking you in front of everyone."

Regina frowned and Emma rolled her eyes, "fine. Having sex with you in front of them all. Would you like that? Having everyone watch me take you? Breasts bare, legs spread, cunt wet..."

Regina closed her eyes determined not to show how much Emma's talk affected her. Emma laughed anyway. Emma was being smug again so Regina forcefully pushed her back and stood up. She backed Emma up until she hit the green leather couch and sat down.

"You think all your rough talk means something," Regina said her voice low and mocking. "If you describe what we do as 'fucking' or 'screwing' and use words like 'cunt' then it somehow means you don't value it."

"Regina," Emma rolled her eyes but Regina was both aroused and angry. This was a fantastic night for her, one that Emma wanted to share. But Regina was sick of her trying to be aloof, trying to act like this was much less than it was. She was tired of being the only one to say 'I love you.'

"No," Regina shook her head and sank to her knees. She spread Emma's thighs pulling until Emma was pressed against the couch's back. She nipped at Emma's knee looking up at her commandingly. She wanted all of Emma, everything. She wouldn't stop until she got it.

Emma's breathe hitched as Regina slowly slid the hem of her dress up, her hands lightly pressing against smooth skin. They hadn't done this before, they had been having sex for a few months now and even in the frantic couplings during the summer, they never did this.

Regina had been doing her homework though. She had read extensively on all the things she wanted to do with Emma. She wanted it to be perfect, she wanted Emma at her mercy, begging for her. She wanted Emma to admit that it meant something. Because it had too, Emma had got kicked out of school for her, she had changed her name, she waited two years to do this because Regina wasn't ready, all that had to mean something.

She pulled down Emma's mismatched underwear, because some things never change, and swallowed. She was nervous and excited, Emma was already aroused and her breathing was deep and steady as she forcefully controlled herself. It was only the dark glittering of her eyes and the wetness in front of Regina that told her Emma was more affected than she wanted to be.

It gave her the confidence to lean forward and lick. Emma's hand shot to the back of her head to tangle in her hair as the other gripped the back of the couch. Regina spread her lips with her tongue and explored her folds. The taste was neither the horror stories she had been told or the clinical description in her book. It was pure Emma and her desire for Regina and she wanted more.

Emma nearly broke her nose when she bucked up unexpectedly. Regina had to use her hands to hold her down and found that she liked it. She liked pinning Emma underneath her, having her at her mercy. Emma whimpered and rocked into her mouth, her eyes were closed shut in defence as she pleaded with Regina. Emma petted her hair and tried to coax her closer and when that didn't work she outright begged.

Regina tortured her, a little because of inexperience but mostly because she wanted to hear Emma say –

"Please, Regina...I need...you."

And then Regina graciously made Emma Swan explode into her mouth. Emma lay slumped afterward trying to get her breath back. Regina sat back and in a moment of pure affection kissed both of Emma's knees.

Emma finally came back to herself and leaned forward wiping the excess fluid from Regina's lips and chin. They pressed their foreheads together both too shy to kiss after doing that. Emma was looking at Regina wonderingly before she smirked and ruined everything. "I always knew a bitch like you would have a wicked mouth."

Regina's smile fell. They had called each other worse, said nastier things, it wasn't even the first time Emma had called Regina a bitch. But she had never said it after or during sex, not when Regina was on her knees after just- she had wanted it to mean something, she just didn't want it to mean that.

"Shit!" Emma hissed as Regina slapped her. She looked back at the brunette stunned.

Regina was too livid for words. Her withering glare broke through Emma's righteous indignation as she rose to her feet proudly. She sneered at Emma's messed form before throwing her ugly underwear in her face and storming out.

XxXx

The fight ended like all of their fights ended, until the last one. One of them gave an unconvincing apology and the other pretended that that would do. They never talked about what had upset them or the real reason for the fight. Emma never called Regina a bitch again and Regina pretended that's what she wanted all along.

The night before she would leave for her internship in Brussels, she tried again to get Emma to admit to something she didn't feel. Her courage had failed at the last moment and so she left a note with a simple but beautiful gold ring.

It wasn't that sort of ring, or even that sort of note. It just asked Emma to wait for her and remember her and if there was a hidden symbolism in giving someone a gold ring, well that was not her intention at all. Except it was, but she couldn't bring herself to ask for it when Emma couldn't even...

"You're heading off for a year," Emma frowned as she read the note. Regina had wanted to leave it on her way out but Emma had found it when she raided Regina's jacket to pay for the pizza. "You're heading off to be with that guy your mother keeps trying to get you to go out with, and you want me to wait for you?"

"I'm heading off to do an internship that will be good for my career, I have no interest in Kevin," Regina answered the easy questions. It wasn't as if they hadn't been apart for months before. When Emma was expelled they went six months with just the occasional letter. Of course she didn't know if Emma waited on her then or if she found someone in between. Emma always dodged the question when Regina asked if she had ever been with anyone else.

Eventually she stopped asking.

The gold ring lay in Emma's hand like the ring of power, except Emma looked revolted rather than enchanted. "What's this supposed to mean?" She thrust it back at Regina.

It meant all the things she couldn't let herself say, all the things that her last shred of pride refused to say to Emma knowing it would only be met with silence yet again. "You know what it means," Regina said briskly folding her arms in front of her.

"No I don't. Is this your way of keeping me at your beck and call while you have fun in Europe? Or do you want to marry me?" Emma almost sneered. "We can have your mother give you away - except she would have to know about us. Do I get to be the First Lady?"

"She knows about us," Regina said her voice laced with venom. Of course her mother knew about them. Her mother knew about everything, she had allowed Regina this one thing in return for everything else. She called it a whim or dalliance that would run its course and Regina let her think it because no matter what she wanted or believed, she couldn't say the same for Emma.

Emma drew back in shock before she eyed Regina suspiciously, "there's no way in hell she does."

"Call her," Regina sneered throwing her cell phone at Emma. "She's known since I gave up going to my dream school, you didn't think that she didn't notice me sneaking out of the apartment these last few years? Or how I haven't dated anyone but still have love bites on my neck? Or when I reserve a table for two and tell people I'm bringing a guest only to have you not show up at the last minute, because you hate those fancy parties and boring people. I never lied about you, don't act like you were my dirty little secret." It wasn't a dirty little secret it was a great big open source of constant humiliation.

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy!" Emma snapped defensively. "I didn't ask you to move, you showed up in my diner! Your friends are boring snobs and your mother hates me. You insult my friends and refused to go to their parties in case you get mugged. I'm not going to let you blame me for ruining your life. I'm not stopping you from going anywhere!"

"You're not giving me a reason to stay!" Regina lashed out and a thick silence fell over them. Emma's tiny apartment felt even smaller than usual as it was stuffed with heavy emotions. They both glared at each other unwilling to back down. "What do you call me?" Regina cast the question out into the silence.

"What?" Emma asked still suspicious.

"To your friends, what do you call me? The fat one, Hank, he told me he would go out with me when you're busy. So, what do you call me to your friends? What did you tell them we were?" Regina suspected that she already knew the answer. It was just another reason she avoided hanging around them.

"I call you my...girlfriend," even then Emma stumbled over the word and Regina didn't need Emma's superpower to tell it was a lie.

"Then be my girlfriend," Regina looked pointedly at the ring. Emma had a distinct dear in the headlights look. Regina sneered and snatched up her coat.

"Hey, what about the pizza?" Emma called and Regina didn't even dignify that with a response.

She remembered standing at the terminal the next day her heart leaping at any sign of blonde in the crowd. But Emma didn't come.

"It was good that you got this internship," Cora fussed with Regina's collar smoothing it out needlessly. "Kevin is a senators son, I've had a word with his father about taking you on at his wife's law firm. He can't say no to his son's friend," her tone was a little more sly as she added "or girlfriend."

"I don't want Kevin," Regina muttered still scanning the crowd. A flash of blonde - Emma? No.

"We all have to do things we don't want," Cora jerked Regina's lapels roughly to get her attention. "Don't waste this opportunity. You've had your fun, it's time to think of your career."

Regina bit her lip and looked away. She was grateful when her flights last call came over the intercom. Her mother gave her stiff hug as she pantomimed affection in front of the other well connected parents that were seeing their children off.

"Now I've swapped your ticket with the Cabot girl so you'll be sitting beside Kevin," Cora hurriedly whispered her last instructions, "do try and make a good impression."

Regina nodded absently as she joined the cue and presented her boarding pass. She gave the crowd one last glance but only saw her mother watching her.

XxXx

"Your mother is fucking my father," Kevin swept her into a waltz. He was a very good dancer for such a terrible human being.

Regina jerked in his hold and fumbled her next step. She recovered to glare at his smirking face. "Excuse me?"

"She's probably fucking my uncle too or even my mother, she really wants you to get the job at her firm," Kevin's grip on her hand tightened painfully. Despite his amused smirk his eyes were alight with a subdued rage all directed towards her.

They were at a fundraiser to promote peace relations. After seven months in Brussels this was as close to a night off as Regina had come. The other interns complained that she was setting the bar too high and that they wanted to enjoy their life and youths. Regina couldn't care less, she was here to work and make a name for herself, everything else could be forgotten. If she tried hard enough.

"I found out last night, my parents separated over it," Kevin kept his fake smile for the crowd but the force with which he guided them around the floor was much more than necessary. "I just wanted to know if you're just like your mother. If I promise you the job as my dad's assistance in the senate, can I fuck you in the men's room? There's something so hot about being a dyke's first cock."

He thought he was safe, surrounded by dignitaries and ambassadors. That she wouldn't make a scene in front of so many people she wanted to impress. He didn't know who he was dealing with. Regina used the move she had seen Emma do on truckers twice the size of Kevin. She snapped her knee up into his groin before she raked the pointed heels of her shoes down the inside of his leg to stomp on is foot. He screamed and she pushed him away to curl up in the foetal position in the middle of the dance floor.

Regina tucked in a stray wisp of hair that escaped from her bun before smoothing out her dress. She turned and headed to the punch bowl to fetch herself a drink. She would be damned if she let a smug little bastard like Kevin run her off.

When she got back to the apartments the interns were stationed at, there was a white envelop waiting for her. The fallout from Kevin couldn't happen so soon so she opened it curiously and her heart leapt. It was a New Haven postcard, the only person who had ever sent her those was...blank. It was a blank postcard. She turned it around to look at the picturesque landscape but there was nothing there.

Seven months of loneliness hit her. Everything she had tried to forget was staring back at her in a big blank space. Her cell phone shrieked shrilly and numbly she answered it, "Hello?"

"Regina! How dare you!" Of course it wasn't Emma. The sound of her mother's voice screeched through the phone, "I was just told about how you humiliated and assaulted Kevin! My God how stupid can you be? Do you know how much I sacrificed to give you this opportunity? Do you hate me that much? It would have been kinder to kill me outright instead of wasting all the effort I've made. I've managed to convince his father not to press charges-"

"How?" Regina asked dully cutting off the rant. The postcard stared up at her still stubbornly blank.

"What?" Cora's deadly tone came clear across the world. She didn't like Regina cutting her off.

"How did you convince his father? With a blow job or did you have to screw him fully?" Regina said dispassionately.

There was silence on the other end of the phone. "How dare you speak to me that way," Cora said with an intense indignation as the scorn was poured onto every word. Regina closed her eyes – so it was true, "I will not apologise for doing what I must to help my daughter. For doing what you are too weak to do. What you refuse to do because of your little tramp, but where is she now Regina? Where is she? She has completely forgotten about you. Can't you see I'm the only one that cares about you? Can't you see I'm the only one that will always be there for you? Look out for you? Even when you hurt me like this..."

The postcard drooped in Regina's hand before she furrowed her brow. Emma didn't forget her, she had the proof right here, so the card didn't say anything, but Emma still sent it. She still went to the trouble of finding out where Regina was staying. Reminding her that she's still there.

She hung up the phone and went online and bought a ticket home. She ignored her mother's calls and got into a taxi. The fee she had to pay was extortionate but she considered it worth it. She had a small bag packed, her passport in her breast pocket and the postcard in her hand.

Regina's cell had 97 missed calls from her mother by the time she got off the plane and hailed a cab straight for Emma's diner. She didn't answer of course, she was already planning on what she would say to Emma. She held the blank postcard in her hands and imaged all the things Emma wanted to tell her but couldn't.

The cab left her off across the road and Regina nervously peered at her reflection in a shop window. There weren't that many people around at this time of night but Regina felt self conscious anyway. She couldn't go home and risk running into her mother but maybe she should have booked a hotel room to freshen up. She had spent nearly a day travelling and it showed in her rumpled clothes and the bags under her eyes.

She remembered how exhilarating it was, how her nerves tingled at being so close to Emma, her plan of sneaking in the back of the diner to freshen up in the ladies room had seemed like a stroke of genius. Just as she was about to duck around back Emma came out the side door and her breath caught.

It had been half a year and Emma had changed. Her hair was shorter, her uniform just a little tighter and the person she was kissing was not Regina.

Regina had always thought that it was overly dramatic to describe feelings of shock as getting hit by a train or some such. Getting hit by a train was shocking it was fatal and downgrading it to a simple description was theatrical nonsense.

She still believed that because seeing Emma kissing a man in a leather jacket arrogantly reclining against his motorcycle, that wasn't shocking, it was fatal.

When they both laughed as Emma tugged him inside with a grin, Regina walked away in a daze. Across the road, engine still running, was a sleek black town car. The door opened and her mother got out dressed in a sharp scarlet suit. She stood with her arms spread wide and wisely didn't say anything.

"My poor baby," she cooed when Regina nearly fell into her. "I'm so sorry, I didn't want you to find out this way. It's good that you've come home to me, now you're finally free of that heartless tramp."

"Mother..." Regina's voice broke and she couldn't go on.

"Shh," Cora patted her back soothingly, "never mind, mother's here. I'll make it all better. I always make you better Regina."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Can I just say tha I'm sorry about this being stupidly long but that I love writing bitter/hurt Regina? Badass/insensitive Emma is a close second.

XxXx

"She's given birth," the private detective's words hit her with the force of a drunk driver. Regina's grip on the phone tightened hard enough to make the plastic groan in protest. "It's a boy."

Regina wanted to send Emma flowers and fruit baskets, smother her room in balloons and congratulations banners, but she also wanted to hold her down with a pillow over her face and hold on until Emma stopped moving. It was probably safer for them both if she stayed away, not that she would actually go to a prison infirmary to see her ex-Emma. Not that she was asked.

"There's more," the detective's voice continued "she put him up for adoption. A closed adoption. She signed away all her parental rights and responsibilities."

Regina's absorbed the words. They should have meant nothing for her, and indeed there was a cold emotionless pillar running through her body, it was the only thing that kept her upright and functioning these days. But her mouth moved without permission, it formed words of undeniable – unauthorised- certainty, "I want that child."

"M'am, the adoption process is one of the most bureaucratic nightmares-" the private detective insisted.

She ignored him. "I want that child," she said again with the same unshakeable certainty. Where had it come from? What was she doing?

"...I might know someone. He's good at getting things when others can't. He's not exactly legal-"

"I want that child," even firmer now, a touch of anger colouring her words.

"And here he is; Baby Swan, a healthy bouncing baby boy. Congratulations," Mr Gold presented her with a pink wriggling bundle three weeks later. He was a small insidious man that cost a small fortune to hire and even more to rid herself of his association. "I do hope you two will be very happy together."

Regina took the child into her arms, the numbness inside her shuddered for a few seconds. He was small and pink, his face filled with folds and wrinkles. She couldn't see Emma in him anywhere.

XxXx

She had debated about calling the baby Emmet after his birth mother but thought that was too cruel. Instead she settled on Henry after her father who was A Good Person unlike either of his mothers.

Cora had been furious at the start. Regina could see that she wished for the birch stick, but she hadn't been able to use that on her in a long time. Cora had begged her to reconsider, to think of her political career, to think of her poor mother who knew the burden motherhood really was. Regina held firm, a fact that surprised Cora immensely because Regina had never denied her much. The only thing that had sparked such resolution-

"It's _her_ bastard, isn't it?" Cora hissed scandalised. Neither of them ever spoke Emma's name; Cora because she loathed her and Regina...because she couldn't.

Regina regarded her coldly from behind her desk; the huge windows of her skyscraper office wallpapered her in clouds, which she tried to mimic in their unobtainable aloofness. "Please refrain from calling my son a bastard."

Cora gave in, she didn't have a choice. She spun the story that Regina had adopted the son of one of her deeply trouble friends. Regina's generous and giving spirit mourned the friend she couldn't save and committed itself to saving the boy from a terrible life in the system. The best lies came from half truths but Regina had been so long in the political world she couldn't tell which was which.

But even Cora's recasting of Regina as a saint wasn't enough to overcome the prejudice's the world held against unmarried single mothers. Her shooting star rise in ranks levelled off while her political stock took a hit.

As a rebranding Cora insisted she find a husband but Regina didn't care. She dated who Cora told her too and would have probably married them too if her mother insisted. When Cora relocated back to their small home town Regina didn't protest; it made sense, it was a smaller electorate to win and a good stepping stone to something greater. Not the place where Cora originally wanted to start Regina's political career but she was nothing if not adaptable.

Regina barely noticed the death of her law career. She worked as hard as usual during the day but at nights she sat by Henry's bassinet, then his crib, and then his bed. And every night she looked for Emma in his features. His blues eyes darkened to brown, his bald head into soft brunette strands and his chubby cherub limbs into the awkward fumbles of a toddler.

She watched him at the weekends when she worked at home. She watched as he investigated his little kingdom. He furrowed his brow, he stamped his foot, he cried and demanded attention and threw temper tantrums that rivalled her mother, he grew. She saw herself in him, she saw her mother, she even seen the arrogant smirk of the cocky Neanderthal. She never saw Emma.

They had moved to Storybrooke for over a year when Henry came into her office. It was two in the morning and she was still working on her debate. She looked up when the door creaked open, it must be important as Henry knew not to bother her in her office. He stood there, hand reaching up to hold onto the brass doorknob, his swan plushie cradled close to his chest, he didn't make a sound until he threw up violently over her white carpet. Then he fell to the ground and started shaking splattering vomit all over his cowboy pyjamas.

"Henry!" Regina remembered how sore her throat was for days afterward. She missed the debate and another year of her political career was spent apologising for being a mother. She remembered screaming at the house staff, the panic that shattered her numb existence as she spotted the blood in the vomit. She could later admit to harassing the doctors and all but lunging at a nurse. She sent them a thank you card and three apology muffin baskets.

Henry had a serious fever but recovered. She remembered watching him, pale and sickly; struggling to breath, seeing him go from frail to healthy and energetic as the weeks went by, seeing him proudly showing his operation scars to the other children. She remembered the smile he gave her as he took her hand and led her away from the hospital. She remembered seeing Henry, her son, for the first time.

She didn't stop looking for Emma in him completely but she stopped expecting him to grow into her replacement. Sometimes the mischievous grins or the pointless rebellion he partook in occasionally caused her heart to thrum loudly and painfully. They still weren't quite Emma, they were a mix of her and Henry and even some of Regina. Even a little of that leather clad dolt that contributed half the DNA, but increasingly Regina could only see Henry, and that was ok.

XxXx

"Who's that?" Henry asked sitting beside her. They were cleaning out her closet together and he had spied her photo album. Before she could stop him he was already flipping through it and asking questions.

Regina stared at his chubby finger pointing at a picture of Emma in her waitress uniform blowing out the candles on her birthday cake. Regina was sitting with her arm around Henry on the bed holding the other end of the photo album. "That's your other mother."

"Oh," Henry said with renewed interest. He studied the picture more closely. At seven years of age Henry knew that it took two people to make a baby and that the stork delivered them. When he got older it would occur to him that only a man and a woman were capable of making a baby, that's when he would ask about his father. But for right now he had just discovered the other half of his parents because everyone knew it takes two. "She's pretty."

"She is," Regina confirmed and it didn't hurt as much as she expected it to.

"I don't look like her," Henry observed looking up and blinking at Regina with his dark eyes.

"No, you don't, you're prettier," Regina kissed his forehead and he made a 'yuck!' face and wiped it away.

"I look like you," Henry continued going back to stare at the picture.

Regina stopped at the revelation. She ran her hand through his soft dark hair and turned his strong jaw line and browns eyes back towards her. She saw a flash of the Neanderthals face but her smile was soft as she stroked her thumb over his forehead. "Yes, you do."

Henry smiled happily at her before his brow furrowed in confusion. "So, where is she? Why isn't she with us?"

Regina's stroking stopped as she thought about how to answer that question. "I don't know," she settled on finally.

Henry didn't seem happy with that response but it was the only one she had and he eventually forgot about it. Or so she thought. Henry was ten years old when he went missing. Regina had arrived to pick him up only to find Mary-Margret clueless as to his whereabouts.

"He never came in today, we thought he was off sick," Mary-Margret called out worriedly as Regina stalked to the car. There was a reason Regina had hated her so passionately in school, the woman was completely useless.

Regina had phoned the sheriff and turned out her house staff in the pursuit of Henry. She had checked his castle and nearly broken her neck on a lose board. She would deal with such unsafe playgrounds after she found her son. When the sheriff finally got a bus driver to admit to negligently letting a child board a greyhound by himself and head to Boston without an adult, Regina was ready to kill. It was lucky for the bus driver that her heel had broken at the playground or else she would have been too fast for the Sherriff to catch as she lunged for him.

Henry had boarded a bus and left her - how ironic that only after she stopped looking did she finally see Emma in him.

The sheriff and her entire staff went to Boston while Regina harassed the Boston police into diverting three squads for the sole purpose of finding her son. She was infuriated that it was only three squads and not the entire Boston PD, that swat wasn't circling with their helicopters, that the CIA and FBI hadn't been called in. She wanted a giant picture of her face suspended over the city, on every television station, telling Henry to come home, telling the citizens of Boston that her son was lost and they should do their damndest to find him and if any of them hurt a hair on his head she would end them.

But the world didn't revolved around her. Shockingly for the first time in her life Regina bullied, harassed and screamed but the world didn't warp or fold itself to her desires. Cora was just as useless as the bus driver and all her political clout couldn't find Henry any faster.

In fact when he showed up at the door at two o'clock that same night Regina was in the middle of a complete melt down. She had threatened a senator, governor and a chief of police while Cora panicked and made apologies and excuses for her. She threw her arms around him and hugged him close to reclaim him from the thieving world. She wanted at once to never left him go and kill him for reducing her to this mess.

"Regina?!"

Regina had been so relieved at Henry's return that she hadn't even registered that he hadn't arrived alone. The shocked and scandalised invocation of her name came from none other than Emma, standing in her doorway looking alarmed.

"I found her," Henry said excitedly as he struggled out of the prison of her arms. "I brought her back," he seemed so proud of himself.

Regina's world did what it always did when Emma showed up. It shrunk and narrowed as all her attention was high jacked. "Mother," the words fell of her tongue numbly "take Henry to his room."

"I don't want to leave!" Henry protested trying to use Regina as a shield between her and her mother.

"Go to bed, Henry. You've put everyone in a frightful state by disappearing without telling anyone," Regina said firmly standing up and nudging him towards the stairs.

Henry groaned but stopped fighting his grandmother. "Remember what you promised!" He called desperately to Emma.

Emma and Regina looked at each other for a long time. Regina couldn't read Emma, she never could, she had no idea what the blonde was thinking. Regina was taking in the things that had changed - better fitting clothes, expensive leather jacket, more laugh lines - and the things that had stayed exactly the same – the hair, the stance, the piercing eyes, the rejection. "I suppose you better come in," Regina said numbly.

"You're the one that adopted my baby?" Emma asked with stunned disbelief, the expression faded into a scowl, "do you know how creepy that is?!"

"Henry is my son!" Regina snapped gripping the door tightly. It wasn't lost on her how Emma had refused her offer to come in or even come closer.

"Of all the people in the world to end up with the kid I gave up for adoption, its my ex-whatever the hell we were?!" Emma raged "there is no way this could have happened by accident. You planned this!"

"Why do you care?! You're the one that gave him up! You were happy enough to give up all your rights to a say in his life ten years ago! You don't get a say now!" Regina slammed the door behind her as she stepped down to face Emma on her path. Emma of course, didn't care that she was making a scene. Regina was just glad for the high hedges that afforded the some privacy.

"Was this your plan all along?" Emma continued her own accusations not even acknowledging Regina's yelling. "Take my kid, raise him up and send him off to find me and bring me back to you?!"

"He is my child!" Regina roared with a maternal fury she didn't know she was capable of. Even Emma stepped back at the force. "I didn't know he would go off looking for you, he never indicated that he was unhappy or that he missed having another parent," Regina continued softer as she wondered if Henry had been unhappy and if she had missed it.

"Well he found me," Emma said lamely at last, her energy seemed as depleted as Regina's. "He said he wants me to stick around, so he could get to know me."

"Where's the Neanderthal?" Regina asked bitterly. Would she have to worry about him coming back into Henry's life as well?

"Who? Oh you mean Henry's dad-"

Regina held up her hand to stop Emma. "Don't bother filling my head with his useless name. I've called him a Neanderthal for eleven years now, nothing will change that."

Emma snorted at that. "Anyway, I haven't seen him since I went to juvie. He dumped me for getting fat and split town."

"Fat? You got pregnant," Regina frowned.

Emma shrugged "he wasn't the smartest guy in the world, just sly and mean. He doesn't know about Henry and he never will."

So Emma had been alone or unattached for ten years and had never once tried to contact Regina. Her nostrils flared as she sucked in more air and held her breath. That shouldn't mean anything to her. It didn't. "So you left me for a scumbag that knocked you up and left you. Did your track record improve or did you move on to junkies and criminals?" She hated that it meant something.

Emma sneered at her tone. "My track record greatly improved. There have been many lovers over the years and all of them wanted me!" _Unlike you_, wasn't said but clearly meant.

"I always wanted you!" Regina hissed before she could stop herself. If there was one curse that had been placed upon her, that had plagued her entire life, it was that she couldn't stop _wanting_ Emma Swan. When intellectually, physically, socially, politically and emotionally it was hurtful and nonsensical to be with Emma, Regina couldn't stop wanting her.

"You went to Brussels! You came back and adopted a kid! You moved away! You dated Gregory Van Dyke! And Lucas Carmichael! Don't tell me I was what you wanted, when you did all that crap!" Emma glared at her.

"My mother forced me to go to Brussels and when I came back you were seeing someone else! I hated Van Dyke – we were political allies nothing more and Carmichael happened five years after I discovered you kissing that Neanderthal," Regina bit back refusing to be the bad guy. She refused to let this be a case of crossed wires and miscommunication, they both knew what they were doing was hurting the other. They made the decisions to do that.

"There you go! Blaming it on mommy! I wondered how long it would take you to make it her fault! She seems to be the root of all your misery and yet the bitch is still here!" Emma thrust her arm towards the house in disgust.

"My mother loves me!" Regina snapped feeling like a child again.

"Your mother is using you! She always has!" Emma fell right back into the old argument again.

"This solves nothing," Regina scowled and turned her back "are you staying this time or leaving again?"

"I don't know," Emma answered sounding lost.

XxXx

When Regina had got the call that Emma had crashed into the town's welcome sign and was now in jail, she didn't hesitate. She dropped Henry off at school and then went straight to Emma like she had always done.

Emma was still out cold in the cell when she got there and Graham let them have their privacy. Regina gripped the cold metal of the cell bars until her hands went white. She leant against them with all of her weight and had they suddenly disappeared she would have fallen flat on her face. Her gaze was intense as she studied Emma.

She was locked up, powerless and unable to escape. Regina wanted to keep her there, a golden canary in a cage. She wanted to keep the power to open the door at her will, to finally be the one in control. Emma would later tell her that her face was ferocious, like a serial killer or a mad woman. Regina could see how that last one might have had some truth to it. She remembered staring, breathing deeply, her entire world narrowed down to a cell.

"What happened?" Emma groaned.

"You've been arrested for criminal damage," Regina's voice was soft as she tilted her head to the side and regarded Emma like a dinosaur meeting a new kind of meat.

"I was in a car accident, do you often arrest people for those?" Emma sounded pissed. She flinched as she set up holding her ribs and her head.

"When we suspect them of drunk driving we do," Regina said again in that same tone.

"And why the hell did they call you?" Emma glared.

"I'm the prosecutor for this town, I decide whether or not to press charges."

"I bet you love this, deciding if I can stay or go," Emma sneered moving closer to the bars.

The metal had warmed under Regina's grip and it felt like if she could just squeeze it harder, it would crumble like sand. That would have left nothing between her and Emma. Nothing except a gulf of eleven years, a child and a bitter ending.

"I want you to leave," Regina said at last, a part of her even meant it, "you can't walk in and out of Henry's life," like she has with Regina.

"The kid came after me," Emma said trying to sound exasperated but Regina could tell there was something else there. "I didn't go looking for him."

"But you brought him home. You didn't put him on a bus, you didn't send him in a taxi, you didn't even take him to the police. You brought him home yourself," Regina remembered being angry at Emma but she remembered the fear too. Emma had wanted Henry in her life that's why she brought him back personally.

Emma shifted uncomfortably, "I wanted to see if he had a good life."

"He does," Regina said defiantly. She dared Emma to contradict her.

"Ms Mills should I process Ms Swan's stuff or will she be staying her longer?" Graham asked holding up Emma's bag of confiscated items.

"Still going by Swan I see," Regina noted feeling a petty triumph.

"Harder to change your name after 9/11," Emma shrugged but shifted her feet.

"Give her back her stuff," Regina said her back to Emma, "Ms _Swan_ has places to be."

"I made the kid a promise I would stay for a week," Emma warned her.

Regina snorted, now she made promises. "You have no right to my son. If you come near him I'll call the police and have you booted out of town."

"Bullying me never worked before," Emma sneered.

"I never had someone who loved me before," Regina answered sharply.

XxXx

"Ow!"

That sound of Henry's cry drew Regina out of her office. It was far too late in the night for Henry to be up. "What's going on?"

"I caught him trying to sneak out to visit that woman," her mother accused shaking Henry roughly by the arm. In one hand she had a familiar birch stick and Henry flinched away from it. There was a familiarity to that flinch like he had done it before. He tried to twist out of her grip and Cora raised the stick.

Regina moved before she could think. She grabbed the hand that held Henry and yanked it off him as her other hand caught the wrist holding the birch on its downwards swing. Her eyes blazed as she her grip tightened. How had these hands controlled her life? How was she so afraid of these hands when they felt so fragile underneath her fingers?

"If you ever hit my son again, I will hang you from my apple tree," Regina said softly as she grinded the bones together in Cora's hand. She threw her against the wall where Cora slid down in shock. Regina's face was a frozen snarl as she glared at the woman. She turned to Henry, he had never had any bruises, he never winced when he sat down – but neither had she. "Has she hit you before?"

"A few times," Henry shrugged, like it was normal, like it was okay. She had lived with it being okay, she didn't want Henry to do the same.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Regina asked her heart breaking as she knelt down in front of him.

"She said she did it because she loves me and wants to make me better," Henry rubbed at his arm, "she only did it when I did bad things."

Regina clutched him to her like she had wanted to be held when she was his age. "You are perfect, you don't need to be better, just do your best and be happy. That's enough for me."

"Mom, it's okay, she's old. She can't hit that hard," Henry tried to comfort her which made her cling to him all the more. "Can I go visit Emma now? She's waiting at the castle."

The fondness in his voice squeezed her heart like a vice. Don't get attached Henry, she wanted to warn him, don't fall in love with her. But he really was her son, he couldn't resist Emma anymore than she could.

"That castle is a death trap, you're not going there again," Regina said sternly. She guided Henry back to his room. "You can visit Emma tomorrow, during the day." Not that she had a choice, Henry would sneak out to see her just like Regina did years ago.

She tucked her son in and then made her way to her mother's room. "I want you out by the end of tomorrow. Find somewhere else to live," Regina demanded coldly.

"Where will I go? I poured my life into giving you everything you want-" Cora started to cry but Regina had finally had enough of her crocodile tears.

"You'll go away," Regina said determinedly "far away."

"You say that now because your little tramp is here," Cora said the tears shutting off like a switch. Her voice held a disgust that Regina had only imagined over the years, "but she'll leave you like she always does and you'll come crawling back to mommy. But I won't be there to pick up the pieces. I'm sick of your ungrateful attitude."

"I'm not doing this for Emma. I'm doing this for Henry, I won't have him growing up like I did. Your kind of love isn't wanted," Regina sneered.

"My love is all you have," Cora sneered right back "even your precious Henry went to find someone else. You're alone Regina, send me away and you'll have no one."

Regina's hand tightened on the doorknob as the words struck home. She looked away, "you have until tomorrow," she left and walked to her bedroom. Alone.

XxXx

Emma was waiting at the school gates as she dropped Henry off. He ran over to her joyfully and Regina's heart seized. Emma smiled down at him hesitantly and unsure. The dread in Regina doubled.

"If you're going to stay, I don't appreciate you sneaking around my back to visit my son," Regina glared as she got out of the car and approached them.

"I'm just trying to get to know him," Emma shrugged fingering her leather jacket in a vain attempt to hide her nerves.

Regina snorted but reined in her temper and alarm. "You said you're staying a week?"

Emma shot Henry a look before nodding "that's what I promised him."

"Fine then, you may come for dinner and spend a few, _supervised_," she stressed the word, "hours with Henry after."

"Awesome!" Henry tackled her in a hug. "This is going to be great, we won't even have to be quiet now that Gran is moving out."

"Cora's leaving?" Emma asked stunned.

"Yeah, her and mom had a fight after she hit me-"

"Henry!" Regina cut him off too late. He knew better than to talk about private affairs with strangers - which was what Emma was.

"You let that abusive monster near another kid?!" Emma snapped standing in front of Henry protectively.

"Now you care?" Regina glared. "Henry has been looked after. My Mother got over zealous when she caught him breaking curfew to meet you. She's leaving because she wants her own space, there was no fight."

"Still lying for her I see," Emma shook her head sneering at Regina.

"You have no idea what it's like to be a mother," Regina hissed.

"No, but I know what it's like to care for someone being abused!" Emma didn't mean to say that Regina could tell. Emma looked annoyed and all her anger simmered down as she drew back. "I won't let you put Henry through Cora's version of tough love."

"First of all, I would never harm my son and second? You have no right to demand anything," Regina said stiffly. Henry stood behind Emma looking disturbed by the exchange. He was a smart and sensitive boy, she hated that he could probably catch the implications throughout their argument.

"I have to go to class," Henry broke the tension.

"Have a nice day," Regina said automatically as she leaned down to kiss his forehead and ruffle his hair.

"Yeah kid, go learn things," Emma gave him an uneasy grin.

Regina didn't stick around. This time Emma could watch her leave.

XxXx

Dinner was filled with one sided conversation as Henry chatted endlessly. He told them about his day and what stories he'd read and even argued with Regina about the latest issue of X-men. Of course Jean was better off without Scott. No one needed a selfish emotionally closed off lover in their lives. Henry however thought their costumes made a nice match.

"So what have you been doing the last eleven years Emma?" Henry's voice didn't hold any of the accusation Regina's would have. He sounded genuinely curious.

Emma scrapped her knife and fork across her plate in surprise. "Uh, all eleven of them?"

"Yeah, what did you do after me?" Henry asked again with no recrimination.

"Ah, well, after you I went back to school. I got my GED and even took a few business classes. I was going to open up my own restaurant but got sick of working in a diner so became a bail bondsperson instead. It's pretty cool, I have to track people down and kick their ass."

"Wow like a cop? Graham is looking for a deputy," Henry grinned.

Emma laughed "good to know."

Regina glared at her for giving him false hope like that. Emma ignored her and dinner continued on. After dinner Henry and she went out to the yard to throw a ball. God knows where Henry got it from, Regina wasn't the type to encourage him into sports where he could be hurt. She watched them attentively and could tell it was irritating Emma to be under such constant surveillance.

"Henry, bed time, up and brush your teeth," Regina called at eight on the dot. Henry went giving Emma a quick hug before she could protest. Emma seemed a little stunned.

"Night Emma! See you tomorrow," He called giving her a wave.

"Night kid," Emma said dumbly with her own sad little wave. Her pathetic look crumbled as she turned to glare at Regina. "I just wanted to spend time with the kid, not with you."

Regina was amazed that that still hurt. She tensed her jaw and moved to the front door knowing Emma would follow her. "He is my child, I'll not let him be with a strange adult unsupervised."

"Oh, come off it Regina," Emma snapped "you know me."

"Ha!" If there was one thing in the world that Regina Mills was sure off, it was that she didn't know a damn thing about Emma Swan.

"Oh I see," Emma's snide tone was no less irritating eleven years on, "up to your old tricks again? Using any excuse to be near so you can watch me again?"

Regina turned glaring and holding the door open pointedly. Emma shook her head with a sneer and left.

XxXx

On Wednesday Emma took Henry to the cinema and Regina sat two rows behind them feeling like a stalker. Henry had given her an odd look, but she had a point to prove that she didn't care about Emma. It was a lie but Emma didn't have to know that.

On Thursday she had a more work to do than a small town should warrant and had let them go out alone. Henry had been delighted and Emma suspicious, Regina spent the whole night waiting for them to come back and the rest of it in Henry's room watching him while he slept. She had to reassure herself he was still there.

Friday night was pizza night, something Henry never missed even when he was sick. Regina and Emma had resolutely not talked to each other and Regina pointedly stared at the television. She didn't even get up when Emma had to leave.

On Saturday Emma took Henry to a wrestling match and they came home horsing around. Regina watched them play fight from the shadows for a moment before she had to tell Henry to go to bed. Her sudden appearance caught Emma off guard just as Henry tackled her. They went down in a tangle of limbs and something small and gold flickered through the air. It rolled just to the left of Regina's feet hit the first stair and shuddered around and around to a complete stop.

Regina's reminder to Henry died on her lips as the ring stopped moving. Henry and Emma both looked up from the floor, Henry knew someone was in trouble by the look on her face. "I'm going to bed, night Emma," he skirted around Regina sensing that the first one to disturb her right now would bear the brunt of her anger.

Emma looked at the ring as she slowly rose to her feet. They both stared at it from opposite ends of the hall. Emma fumbled for the door handle and turned to leave. Regina didn't stop her. She got to the front steps before she turned back. She quickly crossed the hall, scooped up the ring and turned around to walk out on Regina. Again.

Before she could even think Regina had her slammed up against the wall her hand pinning the arm that held the ring clenched in a tight fist. "Why do you still have that?" her voice was a guttural rasp.

"Why shouldn't I? It's mine," Emma glared. She moved to throw Regina off her but Regina wasn't having it. She slammed her back against the wall.

"Why?!" And all the torture that Emma had put her though this past week bled into her voice without her consent. This was just another cruel trick... She hammered the arm holding the ring trying to shake loose the tight grip. "Give it to me."

The thought of Emma carrying the ring around with her, to take it out and laugh at Regina and remember how, somewhere in the world, was a pathetic fool still pining over her – Regina couldn't bare it.

"Jeeze, you're still nuts," Emma fought her off and they broke apart. Emma still had the ring clenched tight in her hand.

Regina realised how foolish she was. How much she had given away in that short attack. She hated that she still cared.

Being in love with someone who didn't love you back – there was nothing more humiliating or galling.

"Here," Emma had once again left her feeling bare and vulnerable, "take the stupid ring. It doesn't mean anything to me," she hesitated before lightly tossing it at Regina. She returned the potential promise almost thirteen years late.

Regina caught it consumed with the desire to destroy it and end her humiliation at last. Emma watched her before she forced herself to turn away.

Regina had no idea what happened on Sunday, she sat in her office nursing her pride and spinning the golden ring mockingly.

XxXx

Henry had been sad since Emma had left so Regina did what all good mothers do. She bribed him, "we're going to Disney land?!" Henry said his sullen mood breaking like sunshine through clouds. "But what about school?"

"You deserve a break," Regina smiled. So what if she was trying to buy back her sons love. She was also trying to get away from her mother who wasted no time in calling and leaving messages, and the ring in the bottom of her drawer serving as a painful reminder.

"_Regina, I know this is a hard time for you. Let me help." Beep. _

"_Regina, I saw Henry, he's looking awful sad. Do you think he'll try and find her again?"_

"_Regina, I know how lonely you must feel, don't forget I'm still here."_

They went to Disney land for a week of fun before Regina could do something stupid like answer her mother. Henry had a blast and Regina stopped herself from punching the poor actress that played the swan princess in the Disney parade. When she came home she was looking forward to things going back to normal. She didn't anticipate Emma sitting on an old love bug outside their house. Henry's face when he saw her lit up and he didn't even wait for the car to come to a complete stop before charging out.

Regina watched him run away from her and felt her heart pound painfully. Emma swung him around with a breath taking smile of happiness. She hated them both, just a little.

"You're back! Are you staying?!" Henry asked the question Regina dreaded.

"I got the job as a deputy sheriff," Emma confirmed and Henry nearly did a dance in excitement. Dread pooled in Regina's stomach.

"No!" Regina snapped, "Henry go inside! Right now!" Henry was stunned at her anger as she thrust the keys at him and shoved him away from Emma and towards the door. "You are not taking my son away! I'm going to file a restraining order against you, you're not going to come within twenty feet of me or my son!"

"Go ahead," Emma crossed her arms, "you should know that I checked out Henry's adoption. It looks pretty legitimate except the part where you bought him off a baby broker."

Fear froze her stomach and she couldn't even protest.

"I'm not here to take him away from you," Emma said softer, "I just want to get to know him."

"Why can't you just do what you're good at and walk away?" Regina said spitefully. She wanted to hug herself but she wouldn't give Emma the satisfaction.

"I can't walk away from him again," Emma said with a raw honesty that flayed Regina. She had never had a problem walking away from her.

XxXx

"So how did you meet mom?" Henry asked. He and Emma were sitting on the back porch eating ice cream. Emma had agreed to supervised visits and Regina had pretended to let them have their privacy.

"We went to the same school," Emma said "didn't she tell you?"

"A little, I wanted to hear it from your side," Henry answered chasing the drip of ice cream that tried to get away. "Did she pick you?"

Emma let out a soft laugh and shook her head, "we picked each other. She hated me, or thought she did anyway, and I hated that prissy school with all those rich kids. I'm glad she didn't send you to one like that."

"So what changed?" Henry prompted.

"I saw her dance," Regina could only see their backs but she imagined she could hear the smile in Emma's voice. "She played the main role in the 'Swan Lake' and I've never seen something so beautiful. I decided right then that I was going to get a kiss out of her if it killed me."

"Ew," Henry pulled a face and Emma bumped his shoulder.

"You asked."

"So then you started to date?"

"Yeah, we were together about six or seven years give or take," Emma answered.

"So why did you break up?" Henry asked. "Was it because of me?"

"No! No, of course not, you came later," Emma winced as she realised she might have opened up a whole new can of worms.

"So why then?" Henry asked.

"Your mom had big dreams, or your grandmother had them for her anyway. I just didn't fit into them," Emma said sadly. Regina bristled, that is certainly not how she remembered it.

"So it was mom's fault?" Henry said shocked.

"No! Jeeze it was no one's fault," Emma said quickly, "look, kid it's complicated. I wasn't someone who it was politically okay to be with and I didn't trust that your mother wouldn't leave me behind. So I left first."

"And what about me?" Henry asked frustrated. "You left me too."

"That is something that I regret but I'm going to wait and talk about that with you after I clear it with your mother, because that involves a big mess that's not just mine," Emma finished her ice cream so she didn't have to talk anymore.

"Henry it's time for bed," Regina said stiffly.

Emma tensed before standing. She gave Henry a hug and kiss goodnight and then they were alone in Regina's back yard. "You didn't trust me?" Regina accused.

"So much for privacy," Emma glared.

"How could you think I would leave you when it got hard? Nothing about you or us was easy," Regina said scandalised.

"What did I have to base it on? Everyone always left, I eventually learned not to get attached and to walk away first. I thought if Cora told you to dump me then I wouldn't stand a chance," Emma shrugged, "so I tried not to get attached."

"I told you she knew, I told you that, the night I-" Regina stopped herself. She wasn't going there again.

"And I finally wanted to believe you. I wanted to ask you to choose but you were already halfway around the world on Cora's orders. I didn't want to want you so I tried to forget you. I met Henry's dad and he was just like me, same class, same background and he was there," Emma shrugged.

"You are a coward," Regina sneered.

Emma sneered back but had to stop her protest. Instead she just shook her head and shrugged. "We all have our flaws."

And then she walked away. Again.

XxXx

Emma was still around two months later when Henry's birthday came. Regina wanted to be shocked but seeing Emma interact with Henry, how natural it came to look, she couldn't be surprised. Naturally being the richer parent Regina used Henry's birthday as another excuse to buy back his love.

"A trip to Boston?" Regina repeated surprised, "you want that for your birthday?"

"Uh huh," Henry confirmed, he swivelled around on his desktop chair to pull up a page on his brand new laptop that Regina had bought when she found Emma looking at game consoles. "See, they're doing Swan Lake and I want to see what all the fuss is about."

Regina raised her eyebrow suspiciously. What other ten, no, eleven year old boy wanted to watch ballet? "What are you up to?"

Henry shrugged innocently. Regina didn't buy it for a second.

"I could always ask Emma to take me," Henry said thoughtfully, his blatant manipulation made her both proud and irritated.

"Fine," Regina huffed. "We'll go to Boston."

Regina had forgotten how much fun it was to dress up and go out to somewhere other than a political function. She had even dressed Henry up in a nice blue shirt and dark formal shoes and pants. The lovely silk tie that went with the outfit was stuffed in his pocket, but she couldn't complain too much as he had outright refused to wear a little tux. Although he had graciously allowed her to link arms with him which was for his own good because part of her still wanted to put the baby leash on him. She still remembered his last jaunt to Boston.

"I haven't seen this show in years," Regina smiled up at the large poster. She hadn't been to the ballet or anything that wasn't associated with work in some way in forever.

"Are you excited?" Henry grinned, no matter what she did to his hair it bounced back into its unruly shape.

"Yes I-" she stopped speaking abruptly as the woman just ahead of her turned around. Emma. She was wearing a revealingly cut black dress that showed far too much skin for a ballet. Emma never could comply with other people's views on modesty.

"Hey Emma!" Henry grinned not surprised. Emma took one look at Regina's face and held her hands up defensively.

"He told me that you knew," she said quickly.

"Obviously he lied," Regina stared coldly first at Emma and then at Henry. He didn't seem at all bothered.

"She's here now so we might as well go in," he pulled on Regina's stiff arm.

Henry sat between them like a buffer in the theatre. At first Regina was aware of every shift or movement Emma made but then the show started and she forgot about everything. Her limbs tingled with the phantom memory of the dancers graceful movements. All at once she remembered the spotlight, the energy, the hush of the crowd. Half remembered exhilaration swept through her and when the first act ended she was stunned to find herself nearly fifteen years removed from the dance.

She looked up to find Emma and Henry already on their feet. Henry was making his way out of the isle but Emma was looking down at her with an inscrutable look that was nearly fifteen years old. Regina looked away and followed Henry. They both spent intermission avoiding each other.

This version of the ballet didn't have a happy ending.

Very few actually did. The version Regina danced had been one of the revised versions where prince Siegfried and Odette's love overcame Rothbart's curse. But this had the original ending where everyone died and true love was just a warning. As bitter as she was Regina couldn't find it in her to like that ending.

"That sucked," Henry roughly swiped at his eyes with the cuff of his good shirt making Regina grimace. "It's so depressing that the douche bag prince doomed everyone."

"Language," Regina corrected mildly. Her head was still back on stage with Odette's dying moments. "I think we should call it a night."

"Fine," Henry muttered. The ballet had subdued his attempts at matchmaking.

Regina gave him an indulgent smile and turned to hail a cab. Emma caught her as she turned, "you're still the best I've ever seen," she stared intently Regina. The moment stretch for an unbearable amount of seconds before Emma let go and stepped back.

Emma went with them back to the hotel and then to Storybrooke. She didn't walk away.

XxXx

"Congratulations," Graham grinned at her holding out a flute of champagne. Regina accepted it with her best politicians smile. "After all the fundraising you've done we finally have enough for a new playground. You should be proud."

"It was a group effort," Regina bristled as someone snorted loudly behind her. She turned to find Emma and unlike Graham she was actually in her sheriff's uniform. "Ms Swan."

"Regina," Emma acknowledged. She grabbed a stuffed crab cake off a passing waiter's tray and was about to grab a champagne glass but Graham cleared his throat pointedly. He was officially off for the night having been invited to the black and white ball fundraiser with Emma covering his shift.

"Aren't you supposed to be working?" He asked pointedly.

Emma waved him off, "I was just giving Archie a lift here, his car blew its tires on the forest road and he was stranded. Thought I would be a good officer and make sure he didn't die in the wilderness."

"The sheriff's department is also the roadside assistance. My how the mayor manages to find new ways to cut the budget," Regina said with a disdainful sniff. Her hand automatically reached for the golden locket around her neck when she heard Emma's voice.

"Good thing that he's announced his retirement, and come to think of it," Emma said her eye wide with feigned innocents "it's also a really good thing that you've gone on such a moral crusade to protect our children right around now. The timing is super convenient."

"What do you mean?" Graham frowned; he always was a bit slow even at school.

"Well, Regina is the town's hero right now due to all her charity work. I'm sure if she were to run for mayor the people would remember all her good works," Emma blinked innocently at Regina but it was plain that she was hiding her smirk. Plain to everyone but Graham.

"Regina as mayor?" Graham said sceptically and then seemed to think about it. He looked Regina up and down speculatively, "that's not a bad idea, come to think about it. Even in school you always had everything on track. We might actually get funding for some decent officers. No offence Emma."

"Plenty taken," Emma huffed.

"Now, now," Regina said lightly rolling the locket between her fingers. "I haven't even decided if I would run. I would need someone to back me and I'm not even sure if anyone in town even knows my name. Besides I have my son to think about..."

"I'd back you," Graham said quickly, "and of course everyone knows you, you grew up here and you've been our prosecutor for years. I definitely think you should do it Regina, and of course Henry would support you. You should really consider it."

"Graham, thank you but tonight's not about me it's about the children," Regina said sweetly and Graham reluctantly let it go but she could see the idea had taken root. With any luck he would be talking about it the rest of the night creating some buzz and good will.

"And the Oscar goes too..." Emma said after he left. "However the bit about the children that was laying it on a bit thick don't you think?"

"It's Graham, the man is clueless, he thinks subtlety is a French food," Regina rolled her eyes.

Emma smirked, "let me guess, the next step is to talk to Dr Whale and the medical board and hint that you'd be willing to turn your charitable efforts towards raising money for the hospital, in return for some electoral support of course. You've already talk to Mary-Margret about setting up PTA meetings and reshaping the curriculum, so after that it's just a matter of reaffirming your tough stance on crime and letting the buzz feed off itself. That's healthcare, education and policing taken care of, not to mention your work for the children," Emma gave a low sarcastic whistle, "you'll be elected by Christmas."

"You left out the economy," Regina allowed herself a small satisfied smirk. She was brilliant and she liked that Emma could keep up with her.

"Even you can't fix that," Emma snorted.

"Not right away," Regina allowed "but considering that Lucas Carmichael of Carmichael constructions owes me a favour and Storybrooke's roads are in desperate need of work, well let's just say that problem will be solved soon as well."

"Friends with your ex, what a novel idea," Emma snorted.

"Carmichael owes me for not kicking him out of his closet when I found him in bed with Sydney," Regina growled.

Emma nearly chocked, "Carmichael's gay!?"

"Deeply repressed, not gay," Regina corrected and seeing Emma's still bug shot eyes, added "and you're not to tell anyone." She wouldn't have this deal fall through. Blackmail didn't work if everyone knew.

"Who would I tell?" Emma shrugged coming back to her senses. She was silent a moment before she came to a slow realisation, "so when you and Carmichael went out...?"

"Goodnight Ms Swan," Regina pointedly moved away to speak to Dr Whale. Regina managed to get what she needed done, anymore would be too obvious and she needed to make them think it was their idea to have her run for mayor. Manipulation had been one of her mother's better lessons.

As she was driving home two loud pops made her slam on the breaks as her car skidded. She managed to get enough control to wrestle it off the road where it came to a dead stop. The heavy rain beat at the windows and she cursed her luck. She scrimmaged around for her umbrella before she finally got out accessing the damage. Two busted tires, even if she could change a tire she only had one spare.

A car stopped and pulled in behind her and she mentally groaned. Of course Emma would have to be the one to find her. Emma got out of the car, she pulled on a thick woolly hate complete with a round bobble on top. It took away whatever threatening image she had as a police woman and not even her butch leather jacket could save her dignity. Regina got back into her car and slammed the door.

Emma rolled her eyes and wrapped on the window, "license and registration please."

"Excuses me?" Regina snapped.

Emma laughed, "lighten up, I told you this stretch of road was bad. I had to rescue Archie from here earlier, remember?"

"Then why are you on it?" Regina asked peevishly.

"I saw you turn down and knew it would only be a matter of time before your pretty BMW was reduced to a climbing frame," Emma smirked. "Now, ask nicely and I'll give you a lift home."

"I'd rather walk," Regina said shortly looking away.

"In this rain?" Emma said sceptically. Regina glare back at her icily after all these years could Emma really still underestimate how spiteful she could be? Emma sighed, "just take the lift."

"No thank you," Regina busied herself dialling Sydney's number.

"Are you phoning a friend?" Emma snorted incredulously at the idea.

Regina glared "officer Swan your assistance is not required. Do run along and bother someone else."

"I'm not going to leave you stranded in a forest at night," Emma said, "you might get mad and hurt someone," she finished with a smirk.

Sydney wasn't picking up. Regina growled and pressed the end call button harshly. She could feel Emma's smug expression scorching the side of her face. Undaunted she rang for a taxi and smirked when they answered after the first ring. Her smile faltered when they refused to pick her up at her car and told her to meet the taxi at the gas station half a mile down the road. Apparently the forest road had blown out the tires on two of their taxi's since the rough weather started.

"Ok, I'll give you a lift to the station then," Emma backed off the door.

"I am perfectly fine," Regina said grabbing her umbrella and getting out to lock her car. Her shoes sank into the muck and she grimaced. Half a mile in heels, she could do it.

Emma looked deliberately at her footwear before throwing up her hands and heading back to her car. "You're the most stubborn woman I've ever had the misfortune to share a kid with."

"He's my son," Regina called out but Emma was used to hearing it by now and waved it off. Regina huffed and marched determinedly on. The umbrella kept the worst of the rain off her but she was still soaked in minutes. She was aware of Emma's ratty car turning and heading her way.

"It sure is nice and dry in my car, with the heater and the radio," Emma taunted as she rolled down her window. She was still wearing that ridiculous wool hat.

"Is your car only capable of going as fast as you think?" Regina snapped annoyed at the slow pace Emma was crawling along beside her.

"It's also like me as in its warm and comfortable," Emma cranked up her heater just to be aggravating.

Regina gathered her coat around herself and just then a rumble of thunder was heard as the heaven truly opened up. The previous heavy rain had seemingly only been a warm up to the torrential storm that was coming down now. The rain filled in all the uneven potholes of the road causing it to overflow like a mini river. Within second Regina's feet were drenched. The thunder rumbled again and she looked up just in time for lightening to flash.

"People don't actually get struck by lightning for holding umbrellas do they?" Emma asked looking slightly worried. "That's only in the cartoons right?"

Regina sent her a withering glare. "Come on! Just get in the car, you've proved your point," Emma said and there was real irritation in her tone, "I get it, you're big and tough and you don't need me."

The thunder rumbled again and lightning flashed soon after. "Regina I swear to god if you don't get into this car right now I'm putting you in the trunk," Emma snapped and she stopped the car. Regina turned to glare at her and Emma pulled her handbrake and threw off her seatbelt determinedly. She got out of the car angrily and slammed the door.

Emma made a grab for her and Regina jerked away. They fumbled causing the umbrella to fall as Regina dragged Emma's stupid hat off her head. Emma grabbed her around the waist and lifted her a few feet towards the car. Regina squirmed and yelled, her flailing legs managing to get a lucky shot at Emma's shin and she was unceremoniously dropped.

"You are so damn stubborn," Emma complained as she hobbled in place rubbing her shin. "Is sitting next to me such a damn ordeal that you'd walk half a mile in this weather to avoid it?!"

"Yes!" Regina snapped "being with you has always been an ordeal!"

"I'm an ordeal?! Trying being with you," Emma released her leg so she could fully devote her attention to Regina, "it's always got to be your way or no way! Unless of course it's your mother calling the shots! Then Regina's little more than a doormat."

"Here we go again about my mother! There were two people in our relationship, you and I. My mother didn't come between us as much as you would like to blame her," Regina spoke before she could stop herself. She had swore that she wouldn't do this again, wouldn't talk about this again, not with Emma who had made it abundantly clear that she didn't care about Regina or what they were.

"Bullshit! Your mother was always there between us! And you always got your way! Emma I'm not ready for sex, Emma I don't want to meet your friends, Emma I'm off to fucking Brussels for a year, here's a ring!" Emma mocked.

Regina flushed at the reminder of the ring. It was currently inside the gold locket around her neck because she was an idiot masochist. She wiped the rain off her face using the gesture to hide the embarrassment. She should never have bought that stupid ring. "I'm through talking about the past. You've made it abundantly clear how you feel so why do you keep bringing it up?"

"You have no idea about how I felt or feel," Emma said dangerously quiet as she stared intensely at Regina.

Regina sneered as another rumble of thunder echoed her condescension. "I could guess perfectly well how you felt from the silence that always answered me or how you refused to acknowledge what we were, I was just a fool to ignore it. How sad, how pathetic, mistaking conquest for love, because that's what it was, wasn't it? The first prize was to mess with the repressed rich girl and then later it was to get your revenge?" She smiled finally able to see the funny side of her hidden fear after all these years. She laughed bitterly but with a sincere gallows humour, "I knew you were smart, I knew that your scholarship was your only way out and my mother took that away from you the day she expelled you. I was just a final fuck you to her," the ring must have been a trophy. Something Emma would take out and smirk about as she remembered getting her revenge, Regina was the one who got confused. Desperately wanting someone to love the broken pieces of herself that she made it easy for Emma to use her. Her smile widened, it was after all a hilarious story.

Regina's shoulders slammed down on the hood of the car as Emma's weight crashed on top of her. There was the wet slap of flesh hitting the drenched car as Regina's breath was knocked out of her. Emma's kisses were just as ferocious as she remembered. Unwilling to revise her previous role of the clueless enthralled fool, Regina kissed back just as brutally. Her hands tangled roughly in Emma's wet curls as she dug her nails into Emma's scalp. She wanted it to hurt.

Emma's hands dug into her hips in retaliation and she pawed and hitched at Regina's legs until they were wrapped around her. Regina hissed as the rough material of Emma's belt scraped against her soft skin of her inner thighs. It didn't hurt as much as it should have due to the cold numbing her.

Regina nipped at Emma's lips and she jerked away. Regina was pleased to see that her lip was bleeding. Emma backed away and dragged Regina up by the chain of her locket. Regina's heart hammered but Emma didn't seem to know the importance of what she held in her hand.

Emma's face contorted into an angry scowl as she roughly jerked Regina up. The rain pelted down on them both and lightening flashed behind Emma's shoulder making her look like a demonic angel as she snarled "I wasn't the one that gave a half assed proposal and then left!"

The chain broke as Emma roughly used it to like a leash to bring Regina back to her. They collided in what could only be described as a fight not a kiss. Regina panicked at the broken chain and tried to push Emma away but the deputy was far too angry to notice. She resorted to yanking Emma's curls harshly to the side and sliding off the car. Emma turned breathing heavily her eyes flashing.

"Give me the locket," Regina demanded. She should have learned to be more subtle about her desires but when it came to the emotional rather than the political Regina had the manipulation range of a bull.

Emma looked down at the gold locket that she had completely forgotten about. She gave a twisted laugh and swung the chain so that the locket landed in her palm. Regina's breath caught and she started forward. Emma hopped back putting the car between them as the thunder rumbled again. She made a show of preparing to opening it.

"Don't!" Regina said sharply reaching out uselessly as her heart hammered. The thought of Emma seeing the ring inside, of knowing Regina carried it around as a constant source of unrelenting rejection that served as a way to keep her humiliation fresh – "don't," she begged and hated herself for it.

Emma's face held such a complex mess of jealousy, bitterness and even hate, that Regina thought for sure she would open it out of spite. Regina hugged herself against the cold hoping that her crossed arms would provided even a slight buffer against Emma's impending victory.

But she didn't do it. Emma took one last look at Regina and the complex knot of emotion faded away to be replaced by a resigned weariness. She lightly tossed the locket and Regina fumbled to catch it. "Please Regina, just get in the car," she sighed.

Regina clutched at the locket tightly not understand what had happened. She eyed Emma warily but the deputy had already turned away and got inside her car. After a moment, Regina joined her. Emma looked across at her and she seemed so young for a moment.

"Here," Emma grabbed a rough blanket out of the back seat and draped it over Regina's soaked form. She turned on the car and classical music blared out of the radio as her CD player came on automatically. Emma flinched and quickly shut it off but Regina recognised the tune. It was Tchaikovsky's grand theme from Swan Lake, they had waltz to this once in Emma's tiny apartment in better times. "Sorry," Emma muttered and turned on the heat full blast.

The ride back was in silence until Regina reached over and turned on the CD player adjusting it to a lower volume. Emma's hands tightened on the wheel but she didn't turn it off or protest. Regina was able to see her faint reflection in the condensation looking pale and sad with Emma's grim profile accompanying the image.

They both looked like ghosts of their past.

XxXx

"Darling, I've heard the wonderful news!" Cora brushed right passed Regina and into the hallways. She was already in the process of hanging up her coat as she continued, "the election buzz is extremely positive. A fabulous start, but we can do bigger."

"Mother," Regina frowned still holding the door open. Emma and Henry were in the back garden and for once Regina was actually giving them their privacy, mostly because she couldn't stand to look at Emma since that night almost a week ago.

"I've called in a few favours, I've heard very little from the economic angle and so I've phoned some old friends and-"

"Get out!" Regina roared cutting straight across her mothers babble. Cora drew herself up both shocked and affronted at Regina's tone. Why did that expression still send a tremble of fear down her spine?

"Regina Mills!" She started but Regina threw up her hand.

"No. I warned you to stay away, if you don't leave I will phone the police," Regina took out her cell phone with a glare.

"Don't be ridiculous think of the scandal it would cause. You will undo all your good publicity," Cora cautioned her.

"You hit my son," Regina said softly, dangerously.

Cora closed her eyes, she had played the game much longer than Regina and her unreadable expression was impenetrable. "Darling, you know I only want what's best for you-"

"Get. Out." Regina held the door open wider. Emma and Henry were drawn by the commotion and stood in the doorway of the kitchen looking on.

Cora spotted them too and her face twisted in a sneer, "don't tell me you're playing happy families? Have you finally succeeded in dragging my poor daughter down Emma Woods? You must be so glad your old meal ticket is still valuable."

"Shut up mother," Regina crossed the room to stand between her mother and her target.

"You have your fathers kind heart Regina," Cora smiled at her sadly, "I know you feel an obligation to those two but they've done nothing but bring you down. It is because of them you're in this filthy little town wasting your talents in a back water election when you should be a senator by now. Let the boy go with his true mother and finally ascend to your rightful place unburdened."

Regina's eyes narrowed and she flung her mother's coat in her face. "Henry is my son, and we are a family. That has never been a burden. Now, leave my home and never return."

Her mother stumbled out the door and she clutched at her expensive coat as she looked up at Regina with a glimmer of true humanity in her eyes. "Regina, don't do this. I only ever wanted the best for you...you're all I have."

Regina's heart constricted. How could she still love this woman after all she had done?

Henry's hand slid up to grab her own and she looked down at him. He smiled at her and she sadly turned to look back at the woman who, for better or worse, had always been there. "Goodbye mother," and she shut the door.

Her mother didn't go quietly, she screamed until her dignity was a tattered memory and Regina sat on the floor leaning against the front door listening. Henry sat beside her for a moment before Emma sent him away.

"I don't want to be president," Regina said dully into the silence long after her mother had left and shadows had swallowed the fading light of day.

Emma shifted beside her but didn't say anything.

"I like being a big fish in a small pond," Regina continued slowly "I never wanted to be president. I hate people, I only do charity work for selfish reasons and I love being in control. You can't be in control of a whole country, you have to delegate to other people and other people are incompetent. I like the idea of being mayor of a small town that I can fully control."

"Are you going to declare Storybrooke and independent nation?" Emma nudged her lightly.

Regina let out a short bark of laughter, "Regina the queen. Why not? I was a swan princess why not a swan queen?" She sounded mad. She felt mad.

"Henry can be a swan prince," Emma rolled her eyes and stood up. She reached down and held her hand out to Regina.

"You know, I don't even like swans. They always seem so sad," Regina reached up and let Emma pull her to her feet. They stood in the dark hallway. "Why do you think that is?"

"Wouldn't you be sad if you mated for life?" Emma used the hand not still holding Regina's to tuck her hair behind her ear and look away.

"I thought that would be a good thing," Regina argued softly.

"Not if you don't get to be with the one you love," Emma's voice stumbled over the spoken word.

"Why?"

Emma looked at her sadly, "the world is full of evil wizards."

Regina's eyes flickered to the door where her mother had finally been expelled from her life. "Not anymore."

"No," Emma said slowly a small tentative smile on her face, "I guess not."

"Emma you're staying for dinner right?" Henry called from the top of the stairs.

Emma turned, still holding Regina's hand, "yeah," she called turning to look directly at Regina, "I'm staying."

XxXx

The crowd roared as the election party spilled out into the town square. The noise was muffled from Regina's office as she swirled her homemade cider. The crystal glass caught the light but she was too buried in her memories to notice. She was on in five minutes.

It was completely galling to be in love with someone who didn't love you back.

But she didn't have to feel that way anymore.

"_Damn it Regina just forgive me already and go out with me!" Emma finally snapped not long after that day._

"_I thought you made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me?" Regina had retorted._

"_Of course I was lying! I was hardly going to admit that I've been pining!" Emma snapped and then her face fell as she realised what she had admitted._

"_Oh," was the only thing Regina could think to say._

"_And I want my damn ring back!"_

"Hey, they sent me back here to make sure you're ready," Emma entered her office in full uniform. She was all swagger and pride stuffed into non-regulation thigh high boots. "Are you ready Madame President?"

"I like the sound of that," Regina smirked as Emma sidled up to her. "Does this make you my first lady?"

"First and only," Emma said cockily. She used her ring hand to draw Regina into a kiss.

"So without further ado I give Storybrooke's new mayor Regina Swan!"

"Shit!" Emma pulled back and dragged her out of her office, "it's not my fault we're late!"

Regina Mills spent a good part of her life hating Emma Woods. She had spent even longer in love with her. She didn't know which one made her more foolish.

"Henry is going to kill me," Emma grumbled "he said this was the easy job."

Regina smiled, "nothing's ever easy when it comes to us..."

No, nothing worth it ever was.

XxXx

A/N: I was actually going to leave it here, (this was supposed to be short remember?) but then I realised that Emma's side of the story really needs to be told. So that's what will eventually come next, if you guys are still prepared to read through this melodrama.


	4. Chapter 4

**Warnings**: same as the first chapter really, mild descriptions of abuse, some sexy bits and Emma being all bitter.

This should go a little way towards explaining Emma's conduct in the last few chapters. One day I might actually right straight up fluff. Doubt it will be in the SwanQueen pairing though because they've just too broken to be completely soft with each other. (Which is why I love them.)

Thanks to all you that have come along and even encouraged this story.

XxXx

Emma didn't like Regina.

Regina Mills was a snob. That's what Emma had thought the first time she laid eyes on the prissy school girl. Truthfully, the thought never left but as the years went on it held less and less bile until it was almost fond.

However at school Regina personified everything Emma hated. She had money, opportunity and a misplaced sense of entitlement that she had never worked for. Emma had worked for everything, she had slaved away at the inner city school filled with drug dealers and future prisoners to get good grades and get out of there. She had lived in foster home after group home after foster home and wherever else the government shoved her and still managed to keep her grades up enough to win a scholarship.

The scholarship to Skycastle was a chance for her to escape. She didn't want to be like the other kids in the group homes she had grown up in. They were lost and abandoned and only had short term aspirations of survival. Emma thought bigger. She didn't just want to survive, she wanted to live. She learned not to get attached the hard way as most of those kids wouldn't even meet their short term goal of surviving.

No one bothered trying to steal off her. Her ratty clothes and sneakers that were falling apart let everyone know she was far too poor to have anything more substantial than dreams. It didn't stop the beatings but Emma had learned to fight and she was hell of a runner when that failed.

When she turned twelve she was shoved into a particularly bad foster home. The mother was a drunk and the dad was an abusive asshole but luckily for Emma he only cared about boys. Little girls held no interest to him other than a source of government income.

It was still a horrible place to be with the poor boys having dead eyes that flinched at every squeak of the floor board. She stayed out most nights so she didn't have to listen. She usually took her math book with her since she had to concentrate a hell of a lot harder on those sums which helped block out the crying. She was glad when one of the boys had finally had enough and killed the dad.

The day her acceptance came from Skycastle was the day Emma's whole life changed. She was in her last years of school but it didn't matter. College's loved a sob story especially when the teller managed to graduate from one of their own schools.

That way they could pretend to be charitable without having to get too close to 'real poverty.'

But Emma couldn't care less, she would take their finishing school education and get her degree and never have to look back. The best thing about being born in the gutter was that she couldn't fall any further. The only way she could go was up.

Skycastle was her way out. Her chance to make something of herself, to have more than the government paid for clothes on her back. Regina Mills ruined that for her and Emma hated her for it.

XxXx

Emma tried to stay in her school uniform as much as possible. The crisp white shirts and pleated blue skirts where the first things she had ever owed that were meant for her. All her other clothes had been second or third hand which never fitted properly. She hated weekends as she was forced into her own clothes that she was either growing out of or that had been ripped and mended so many times they were more thread than cloth.

"Aren't you coming into town with us Emma?" Mary-Margret asked again.

"No I'm okay," Emma shrugged. She couldn't afford the bus fair into town and after Mary-Margret had tried to be nice and insist that they would only window shop she didn't want to mention it. Mary-Margret had once thought she was being kind by offering to pay for Emma but Emma had got so angry she had walked the whole way back to school. It was frustrating that she just didn't understand that no, Emma couldn't pay her back later, because Emma still would never have the money.

It was better if they just never talked about money.

Mary-Margret looked like she wanted to protest but stopped herself. "If you're sure," she sighed and ran off to catch up with some of the other girls in their year.

Emma did what she always did when she was frustrated and disappointed. She grabbed her books and studied because if she did that, then one day she would be able to go into town and not worry about bus fare. Hell she would drive into town in her own damn car.

The good thing about the school library on Saturday was that it was almost always empty. Even the librarian didn't bother to come in. It was supposed to be locked but never was because no one in their right mind would try and steal Skycastle books, Emma had seen pawn shots with less security.

"What are you doing here?"

Emma looked up to find Regina Mills glaring down at her. Regina wore a red polo shirt that was obviously new and black designer pants. Her shoes were shinned until they reflected like mirrors and the mandatory tennis bracelet on her left wrist completed the attire. She looked as if she was fresh from the country club and ready to be mugged.

"Obviously I'm plotting a way to be with my lover from a rival house," Emma made a show of holding up her copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ and looking confused. "Nope, that's actually the character in my English book."

Regina frowned, "that essay isn't due in until next Friday."

"So?" Emma raised her eyebrow.

"It's just suspicious that you're in here on a Saturday," Emma could feel Regina's gaze weighing her up, noting every rip and tear in her clothes and the ugly school issue books and pens that all the other girls eschewed for the supplies they bought themselves. Even her school bag bore the Skycastle crest.

Emma stood up and smirked when she noticed Regina jump back. She walked away and was surprised when Regina followed her down the aisles.

"Your kind doesn't belong here," Regina said obnoxiously and oddly brave. Usually she waited to insult Emma when there was a teacher around.

"My kind? You mean white people?" Emma said sarcastically as she turned around sharply causing Regina to flinch. She then glared as if to make up for the momentary weakness.

"No, I don't mean white people," Regina huffed still glaring, "poor and stupid." She ran her gaze over Emma again and folded her arms.

"Maybe you should get over yourself and learn not to judge a book by its cover," Emma bristled and shoved a copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ at Regina.

Regina frowned as she looked at the book and then turned and walked away. Emma thinking she had won went back to looking for the actual book she needed. She had yet to learn that fighting with Regina Mills would rarely be a quick affair.

Regina returned looking smug and shoved a copy of Plato's _Republic_ at her. "And you should learn that classes should never mix."

"Cute, but there's a reason that Plato refers to the segregation of class as Socrate's 'noble lie,'" Emma gave the book back dismissively. Regina was obviously startled that she had got the reference.

"Really I'm trying to be kind," Regina tried to smile sympathetically but her scorn got in the way, "living with the wrong dreams never works out well," she reached around Emma, steeling herself at being so close to white trash like Emma. Their arms brushed as she showed Emma a copy of _Death of a Salesman._

"False elitism usually meets a bad end too," Emma smirked and reached for the same shelf to pull out _A Street Car Named Desire_. "Maybe I should call you Blanche?"

Regina sneered and looked around "well, Stanley, it's sad but the more you try and escape your fate the more you fulfil it," she reached up and used one finger to tip a book off the shelf. _Oedipus Tyrannous_ fell between them like a tossed gauntlet.

Emma snorted and dropped _To Kill A Mocking Bird_ on top of _Oedipus Tyrannous_ to cover it. "You know perpetuating social hierarchies often leads to injustice." She smirked as she pulled out her ten dollar words.

"Social structures are there for a reason otherwise there would be chaos," Regina let a copy of _Lord of the Flies_ drop on top of _To Kill A Mocking Bird_.

"Yes, because complete conformity in civilizations always works out so well," Emma said sarcastically as she held up _Fahrenheit 451_.

"You should just give up on unobtainable dreams," Regina tapped the spine of _Moby Dick._

"Actually I think you should give up on insane and pointless vendettas," Emma smiled condescendingly and flicked the _Moby Dick_ cover herself.

"It's plain you don't belong here and everyone can see it," Regina reached across the isle and pulled out _The Scarlet Letter._

"I'm different but at least I'm not phony," Emma handed her _The Catcher and the Rye_.

Regina tossed it over her shoulder with a huff. "You're not different, you're just out of place and those that try to rise above themselves are quickly slapped down," She kicked a dusty tomb of _Paradise Lost_ that had sat on the bottom shelf for years untouched.

Emma raised her eyebrows, "did you just compare yourself to God?" She asked in disbelief before handing her a copy of _The Picture of Dorian Grey _"you are so damn vain."

"I didn't mean it like that! It fitted the theme," Regina defended hotly shoving _Dorian Grey_ roughly back into the shelf.

"Sure," Emma mocked. She strolled past Regina idly tossing a book over her shoulder. Regina caught it by its middle pages and fumbled frantically trying not to rip them.

"_Taming of the Shrew!?"_ Regina read shrilly.

"It fitted a theme," Emma smirked as she slung her back around her shoulders and didn't look back.

XxXx

"She's staring again," Mary-Margret mumbled as she sat down beside Emma in the lunchroom.

"Man, she really hates you," Emma laughed.

"It's not me she's staring at." Mary-Margret shot back smugly.

Since almost the very moment Emma entered Skycastle Regina watched her. It reminded Emma of the rich kids who thought they would be brave and take a drive on the wrong side of the tracks. She watched Emma as if she was some dangerous animal she had spotted while on safari.

Emma couldn't go a day without feel the girls glare cutting into her. The constant sound of paper tearing as Regina gave her yet another detention slip haunted her dreams. Everywhere Emma went Regina seemed to be lurking with her judgemental sneer. She went out of her way to constantly remind Emma that she didn't belong.

It amused Emma to no end. Regina was all but pulling Emma's hair and running away. Emma knew that she wouldn't fit in with the people at Skycastle. She didn't go there to make friends, she went there for the opportunity. She was fully prepared to ignore everyone and put her head down to study like she always did. Regina was all but begging her for attention but dealing with privileged rich girls wasn't part of Emma's escape plan. Maybe her life would have been better she had ignored Regina and kept to her plan.

But then she saw Regina dance.

Emma didn't know a thing about ballet but Regina could move. For once, it was Emma that couldn't stop staring. She had never seen anyone so graceful. Even Mary-Margret who was also in the ballet didn't come close to Regina.

She looked so poised, every movement had a deliberate flow as it glided from one step to the next. There was none of the teenage awkwardness to Regina, she was fully in control of her body, the stage, Emma. It was her face that usually stopped Emma dead. It was could be serene and distant, completely absorbed in the dance, or a traumatic violent surge of emotions that cut away the grace and replaced it with raw power that bludgeoned its way confusedly through the still beautiful movements.

Regina was petty, prejudiced, entitled and deeply repressed. However when Emma saw her dance...it was the first time she actually noticed that Regina was also pretty, as well as all those other things.

XxXx

When Principal Mills took over the rehearsals to the ballet she was harsher than any drill sergeant. She didn't scream but she snapped and unlike her daughter could insult everyone around her in the most effective way possible. The backstage hands were little more than servants to her. It was their job to run and fetch, clean and carry and any other menial task that Mills wanted done on top of their other duties.

Emma who had been struggling with this new awareness of Regina was both glad and pissed at the extra work. She joined the back stage crew as a light distraction because she was aware studying all the time would lead to academic burnout. She did not join to be a rich woman's indentured servant. She also didn't join in order to spend even more time with Regina.

But that's what she ended up doing.

Since she was one of the few girls that was decent with a hammer and had an aptitude for actually working, it wasn't long before the wood shop teacher Mr Goss kept her close to the stage helping out building scenery.

Mills had ensured that her daughter always had centre stage, even when practicing, which meant that Emma always had a perfect view of Regina. She would watch Regina go through the steps, bend and twist her body in a way that brought a blush to Emma's cheeks. It was hypnotic and more than once the only thing that snapped her out of the show was whacking her finger or thumb with a hammer.

Outside of rehearsal Regina was the same snob that tried and usually succeeded in getting Emma into trouble. Ignoring her then was easy, it was only when she shut her spiteful mouth and moved that Emma couldn't take her eyes off her.

It got worse as the weeks went on until she would be happily ignoring Regina one minute but then she would toss her hair or move a certain way, echoing the grace she had on stage and Emma was hooked. When Regina thought she was alone or that no one was paying attention she would go through the movements of her part. A quick step here, a graceful arch of an arm there, as she revised her part. It drove Emma nuts because since Principal Mills had kicked everything up a notch, Regina had been too busy to stare at Emma like she used to.

She remembered the weeks leading up to the first kiss as a painful boil of frustration. The last person Emma wanted to want was Regina Mills. She hated that she would give someone like Regina that sort of power over her. She fought it with all her considerable will power but her subconscious betrayed her and every night Regina would dance through her dreams.

Kissing Regina had been an act of self defence. She needed to do it or she would have gone crazy.

"Why did you do that?" Regina sounded alarmed and shocked, like she hadn't been waiting for Emma to do that since the first day they met.

Emma was nearly out of her mind at this stage, almost crazy with want, which was the only reason she could think off to explain why she actually told the truth. "I like you watching me...I missed it."

XxXx

When James went to kiss Regina as a joke Emma didn't realise she had let go off the sandbag until he was sprawled out flat on his back. After practice she had hauled Regina into the closest empty classroom like she always did.

"You were jealous," Regina said smugly looking so damn pleased with herself.

Emma locked the door before she pushed Regina up against it and kissed her harshly. She hated the fact that she couldn't control herself around Regina. It was always her seeking Regina out, always her that couldn't keep her hands to herself. She was losing control and Regina was revelling in the power she had over Emma.

"The bag slipped," Emma panted and it sounded like a feeble lie even to her so she added defiantly, "he can't kiss you like I can."

She had to believe that.

"And why not? He'd probably kiss better, he's a boy," Regina needled her. "He wouldn't need to stand on his toes to kiss me," Regina smirked at Emma who was standing on her toes right now, "he's handsome, tall and broad-"

"-And not what you want," Emma's snapped. It was Regina that couldn't stop staring at Emma, it was Regina that used to beg for Emma's attention. Or it was at the start. Now things had somehow shifted and Emma was the one that sought Regina out, she was the one that was ignored.

"I don't want -" Regina started to deny but Emma made her shut up. "Oh," Regina gasped out as her face lost its fight and went slack as her hand pressed against Emma's breast.

Emma was worried that Regina would feel her heart beat thudding hard even through the shirt. Regina's eyes darkened she couldn't stop staring at their hands. Emma's hand still covering Regina's squeezed and they both moaned.

There was no way Emma was the only one affected. Regina wanted her just as much as Emma wanted Regina. She could be as prissy and aloof as she wanted but she still let Emma drag her into empty rooms and make her melt.

"Can-can I...?" Regina stumbled and she had to swallow as Emma pressed their bodies closer together. Regina pressed back against the wall and her legs spread slightly in invitation. Emma grinned and stood between them causing Regina's skirt to ride up slightly, as they pressed together in a whole new way that stole both their breaths.

How could Regina deny this?

Regina gripped either side of Emma's shirt to pull her into a hot and heavy kiss. Emma might have had more experience but Regina was quickly catching up in talent. Regina tugged pointedly at the buttons begging wordlessly.

Emma braced one hand on the wall and slid the other between their bodies. She could feel the soft swells of Regina's own breasts against the back of her hand as she unbuttoned her own shirt. Her own skin was obnoxious in how it brazenly reacted to Regina. She couldn't deny the deep blush or the heat and as Regina traced the outline of her bra, she couldn't deny the prickling sensation as her nipples hardened.

She rocked forward softly again and again, and Regina rocked back as she moaned into Emma's mouth. Her other hand came up to trace the top of Emma's other breast and Regina broke the kiss with a desperate gasp for air. She looked dazed.

Emma chuckled with breathless relief that she wasn't the only one affected. Regina's eyes snapped down looking sharp at the sound. Her face was flushed and there was a light sheen to her skin as her chest heaved. She looked overwhelm holding onto the sides of Emma's shirt in retreat.

The sight made Emma feel oddly protective and she drew Regina into a hug letting her bury her face in Emma's neck. She softly stroked her still shuddering back as she kissed just below Regina's ear. "He can't make you feel like this," Emma said and there was a slight threat to it, "no one can."

Regina nodded slightly against her and Emma ran her hands through Regina's hair as she smiled possessively.

XxXx

"So I'm thinking about fucking the boy who plays the prince," Maleficent (the rich with their stupid names) voice didn't lower just because she was in a library and it was common decency. "But since he's in ballet I'm wondering if he's queer?"

"How would I know? And would you lower your voice," Regina hissed. She sounded resigned yet still pissed at Maleficent's behaviour.

"Well, you do dance close to him in those thin tights, anything ever come up during all that grinding?" Maleficent didn't lower her voice.

"Don't be so disgusting!"

Emma smiled as she imagined Regina's face. She was just about to grab the book she wanted but her hand paused as Maleficent's loud voice stolen her attention.

"That's right, I completely forgot that the only wood you want pressed against you happens to be Emma Woods," Maleficent laughed. Emma froze.

"That's ridiculous," Regina snapped after a too long pause.

"Darling, don't feel so bad, all good girls like a bit of rough. If you were going to fuck girls then you might as well start off with her. She looks like she knows what she's doing, one of her foster parents probably taught her how," Maleficent took out a magazine and then muttered, like it was an afterthought, "and I supposed she's pretty, in that too poor for a salon way. Those ill fitting t-shirts do leave little to the imagination."

"Shut up," Regina said coldly. She stood up and shoving her books into her bag. "Emma Woods is not pretty, she shouldn't even be here. I'm offended that you would connect us in anyway let alone such an intimate one. If I hear anyone else talking about this then I'll bring my mother into this."

"Whoa! No need to alert the dragon lady, Regina I was only teasing," Maleficent said quickly "it's okay that you have a stupid crush-"

"I do not have a crush! Emma Woods is beneath me! Future presidents are not gay Maleficent," Regina said hotly. "And I've warned you about your magazines – I'm confiscating it," she snatched up the magazine and all but ran from the table.

Emma roughly jerked the book out of the shelf and went back to studying.

XxXx

"Ah, Ms Woods, I have to admit, this is the first time I've ever had anyone in my office complaining that the grade they received was too high," Principal Mills took sat primly behind her desk as she flipped through Emma's paper.

"I know that it wasn't an A paper," Emma admitted honestly. She had been too distracted by what Regina had said in the library to focus on her paper. She knew that she hadn't handed in her best work and had planned to do extra credit to compensate.

"Hmm," Principal Mills acknowledged as she finished reading the paper. She looked up taking off her reading glasses to give Emma a pleasant smile. "You are correct, the work here is a definitely B- effort. The grade was brought up due to the points you earned through your extracurricular work."

"What extracurricular work?" She was a stage hand but that activity didn't count towards academic credit. She'd already checked.

"Pleasing Regina of course," the Principal laughed lightly.

"What?" The colour drained out of Emma's face.

"Ms Woods, did you honestly think that I wouldn't know what's going on with my own daughter?" Principal Mills tone was light but there was definitely a condescending edge to her tone that cut through Emma. "Playing around with the likes of you keeps her relaxed. This is a big year for my Regina and anything that safely allows her to let off some steam is to be encouraged. That's why you've coasted through the advanced classes of Skycastle. Being top of the class at public school, I'm sure that was a feat for you, but Skycastle demands excellence. Top grades here are not so easily achieved. Luckily your other skill set allows you to compete," the Principal gave her an invasive once over before smirking.

"Are you saying that I've only achieved good grades because of Regina?" Emma glared.

The Principal gave a pained grimace before explaining again – like Emma was a dim-witted child. "So long as you continue to service my daughter, then you shall be paid in kind. Ms Woods, you seem irritable, is this partnership not to your liking? Would you also like a cash contribution?"

Emma's face flamed in both anger and embarrassment as she surged to her feet. "I am not for sale! How dare you! I could tell the school board!"

Mills looked extremely amused at this, "tell them what exactly? That your good grades are the result of you 'occupying' my daughter? You don't think they would launch an inquiry to see if the rest of your grades were attained in the same way? And who's to say that your grades aren't the result of a computer error? Simply a mix up of student names? It's the school who controls what papers are sent to external examiners and trust me when I say yours would reflect what I mean it too. What this all really comes down to is," Mrs Mills' face never lost its amusement even as her eyes sharpened with a vicious satisfaction, "who is going to believe someone like you, with your background and reputation...over me?"

Emma fumed and clenched her fists. She wanted to jump right over the table and punch the smug look off the other woman's face. She was messing with her grades, her chance to have a better life.

The Principal reigned in her smirk and leaned forward trying to be friendly. It didn't come naturally to her at all. "Emma, why are you fighting this? Pursuing my daughter was your own idea, was it not? This is just incentive to keep making her happy. At the end you will have your grades, sparkling letters of recommendations and some spare cash if you need some more convincing. Your acceptance to college is almost assured, and all you have to do is something you had planned to do all along."

"And if I don't keep Regina happy?" Emma asked bitterness tinting her voice as she weighed her bleak options.

"Well," Mills face went dangerously blank but the loathsome gleam in her eye couldn't be smothered. "I can give you a great many things Ms Woods, but I can take away so much more."

Emma saw the warning in her stare and had to look away. "I could have done this on my own," she bit out, "I could have made it without you. I'm smart," she said defiantly.

"Doubtful," Mills huffed dismissively. Her smile held a downward twist of dark amusement as she reclined back in her chair like it was a throne. "But prove to me you're a smart girl Emma. Keep your end of the deal."

Emma turned to go, her helplessness causing her to shake with anger.

"Oh? Ms Woods, knowing about this wouldn't make my Regina happy," Mills warned her "and we do want her to be happy don't we?"

Emma slammed the door behind her.

The next week had a math test. She wrote her name and nothing else, it came back an A+.

XxXx

"What's wrong with you lately?" Regina frowned.

"Hm?" Emma pulled away and stepped back causing Regina's frown to deepen.

"You're...distant," Regina crossed her arms over her chest. It was late at night and Emma had been making a late snack run to the kitchens when she had come across Regina making her rounds. The smothered excitement on Regina's face at seeing her had caused Emma's stomach to clench with bitter dread as she realised she wouldn't be able to escape this time.

Emma had been deliberately avoiding Regina since meeting with the Principal. Regina at first had been too busy to notice but as the days dragged on and Emma ignored her obvious invitations she had grown more snappish. As a result one of her papers came back as an F, glaring like a warning.

"You've ignored me and now you don't seem to be into this," Regina tilted her chin up arrogantly as she continued, "if you're bored or hanging around out of pity, then just leave. I don't need you."

Emma snorted because that was the truth wasn't it? Regina didn't need Emma but Emma needed Regina, especially now. Except every time she looked at Regina, all she could see was her mother. Every time they kissed Emma felt she was in a transaction. Keep Regina happy, stay in school. She didn't do it because she wanted Regina, she had to do it because she needed her now and Emma hated her for it.

"Of course you don't need someone so far beneath you," Emma snapped back to keep herself from telling Regina all about her mother's creepy involvement in her love life.

Regina blinked and had the decency to look caught. "You heard me..."

"I suppose it wasn't anything you haven't said to my face," Emma shrugged and leant against the teacher's desk.

Regina drew herself up but she didn't have her mother's presence and Emma could see straight through her bluster. "If anyone were to find out about us, we could no longer continue. People like me, with my aspirations don't carry on les...gay affairs."

"Especially with the likes of me?" Emma said sounding bitter when she meant to sound sharp. She was starting to realise that the only time she ever actually liked Regina was when she was dancing, anytime she talked she said something that made Emma hate her a little more. "Forget it, it's not as if I care about that," Emma pushed away from the desk but Regina stopped her from leaving. Not that Emma could leave with Regina so upset. Her next grade might be an F-.

"Emma," Regina looked hesitant and out of her depth as she look at Emma seeming lost. "My mother would kill me if I ruined my reputation. I'm...really sorry."

Emma looked away.

"I lied," Regina said abruptly and bit her lip. She faltered before forcing herself to go on, "I do want you. Sometimes all I can think about is wanting you."

It always astounded Emma that for someone who wanted to be a politician, Regina was a terrible people person. However there were a few times that she managed to understand Emma better than Emma understood herself and could tell her exactly what she needed to hear even if she didn't realised she needed to hear it.

When Regina kissed her again that night Emma didn't feel cheap.

In the end Regina always made a fool out of her.

XxXx

Emma was so absorbed in her own situation that it took her awhile to notice the flinching.

Regina was good, so good it had taken Emma months to figure it out. She had obviously had practice hiding it but Emma had grown up with violence and knew it intimately. She didn't expect it here at Skycastle, didn't expect Regina of all people to be the victim and so it had taken her longer to come to the obvious conclusion.

She might have still been ignorant if Principal Mills didn't start getting over zealous during the run up to opening night.

Regina was looking at a message board as Emma and some friends passed by. Emma was used to ignoring her in the hallways. As far as Regina Mills was concerned she didn't exist unless she was breaking the rules or dragging her into the empty class rooms.

And then Regina flinched.

Emma's attention immediately snapped to her. Her shirt was gaping at the collar and just at the edge; almost out of sight, was an angry red welt. The rest of Regina was smooth and unblemished but she cradled her ribs with a false casualness.

"Regina, are you okay?" she couldn't stop herself from reaching out.

The look of scornful contempt on Regina's face as she stepped back struck Emma. Regina eyed Mary-Margret as she snapped, "mind your own damn business Woods."

The derision in Regina's tone made Emma draw back. How stupid of her to try and offer the mighty Regina comfort, like she would take sympathy from the likes of Emma.

"Emma what's wrong?" Mary-Margret called to her.

"Nothing," Emma answered. She took one last look at Regina's scowling face and turned away. "Nothing, that's any of my business anyway."

XxXx

Emma was heading back to the dorm when she spotted Regina hurrying towards the stables. She remembered practice being particularly brutal with Principal Mills being especially frustrated with Regina's inability to dance the white swan's part.

It had nothing to do with her. Sure, she was supposed to keep Regina happy but Regina was obviously off licking her wounds and dealing with things herself. She didn't need Emma stick her nose in. It was none of her business after all.

Emma hated horses. She didn't trust any animal that was bigger than a dog, and yet here she was, in the dead of night in a shadowy stable filled with large animals that could kill her with one kick. Regina, of course, had to be standing with her face buried in the neck of biggest damn horse in the place.

"You have blood on your shirt," her voice was cold as she realised what the red was. Her hands clenched into fists.

Regina turned sharply "what are you doing here? It's after curfew!"

"Pot, kettle," Emma dismissively as she took in the tear tracks running down Regina's face. Her face was red and puffy and Emma felt like she was intruding. Regina didn't like her, barely tolerated her, Emma was the last person that she would want to see her this way.

"I came here to think, a crime that no one would accuse you off," Regina said sharply trying to discreetly tidy up her face.

The words held less bite than usual but Emma was extra sensitive about accusations against her intelligence, especially coming from Regina. "They also can't accuse me of abuse," she snapped and folded her arms grimly. "What she's doing to you is wrong," why couldn't Regina see that?

"What would you know about it?! She wants me to do my best. She pushing me to be better, that's what a good mother does." Regina snapped defensively. Her voice was ragged, like she had to believe that.

"So beating you so badly that you've ruined your shirt, that's just a prized technique of good mothering? 'Cause I got to tell you, I know a few foster parents that have plagiarised it," Emma glared.

She wanted to reach out and shake Regina. To get her to understand that what she was going through wasn't right. She could stop it, she didn't have to live like this. At the back of her mind her self-preservation was tugging at her. She shouldn't interfere, interfering would mean going directly against Principal Mills and throwing away her escape plan.

...and was Regina really worth it?

"Shut up! What would you know about mothers?" Regina sneered.

Emma flinched and Regina didn't look at all repentant.

"My mother loves me and I don't need you sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong," Regina's voice was indignant. "The thing I want from you isn't advice," she sneered.

Emma squared her jaw but forced herself to speak in a light tone. She wouldn't give Regina the satisfaction of knowing that she had got to her. "You're right," Emma shrugged lightly, "it's your life." She would just do what she had been paid to do.

Emma pulled Regina into a kiss. Regina's back hit the wall she hissed as the fresh welts were aggravated. Emma eased up not wanting to hurt her but Regina pulled her back. Her kisses were frantic and hungry and maybe even a little desperate. She didn't protest when Emma started to unbutton her shirt. With a snap the bra came undone too.

Emma didn't actually think Regina would let her get this far. The newness of being able to actually touch Regina caused her to truly become excited for the first time in ages. Her hands came up to feel the soft flesh and she moaned into Regina's mouth as she forgot that this was something she had to do. She pulled back desperate to finally see and the desire crashed to a halt.

Regina's torso was livid. On her collar bone was what looked like a bruise shaped like the buckle of a belt. Emma could see all her ribs crisscrossed with welts as well as discoloured smudges along the bottom of her stomach. She bet Regina's back was worse.

She was pulled back into a kiss, Regina's desperate energy trying to overwhelm her. Regina tried to cover up and Emma stopped her. "What are you doing? These are the marks that make you better right? Shouldn't you wear them proudly?" She said sarcastically. Her thumb traced the welt on Regina's collar bone and she could only think about what a bitch Regina's mother was.

Regina looked at her pathetically and Emma couldn't hold back her anger. She didn't protest when Regina drew her back into a kiss. She could feel herself get rougher but she couldn't stop herself. She wanted Regina to just wake up, to stop letting her mother do this to her, to stop letting her mother do this to Emma.

Regina's hand came up to tangle in Emma's hair but she grabbed it and shoved it towards the drawstring on her pants. Her own hand fumbled with the button of Regina's jeans. She just wanted to forget about Mills for a little while, to stop feeling so damn trapped. She ignored the hands that pushed at her and growled a warning before slamming Regina against the wall to make her point.

"Stop! Just stop!" Regina cried out and jerked away. She clutched the sides of her shirt together to cover up as she stood hugging herself. "Stop," she said again, and looked terribly small.

The sight hit Emma like a truck stopping her dead. She clenched her fists and felt like a right bastard for reducing Regina to this. Guilt churned in her stomach, she knew she was being too rough, she should never have-

"Stop," Regina whimpered again.

Shame and guilt made Emma snap and lash out. "I'm nowhere near you! I don't need you accusing me of anything, especially considering how friget you are!" Immediately she wished she could take it back. "I'm sorry," she said looking away. She couldn't stand to see how bad she messed up. "Listen, I'll just let you get back to what you were doing..."

Regina grabbed her as she tried to leave. "Stay," she begged. One hand was clutching her ribs and the other was gripping Emma tightly. Regina's face was red and puffy from crying and her eyes were dark and sad still wet from unshed tears. Emma's stomach churned as she realised that she had contributed to Regina's fragile state. She had let her anger out and kicked Regina when she was down.

The silence stretched on and Regina's hand fell away as her face closed down. Too late Emma realised that she had messed up again. "Regina..." she tried to reach out but her hands were slapped away.

"It's after curfew, if we're not careful we might get locked out. I'll head back first and leave the kitchen door ajar. You should have no trouble sneaking in," Regina said looking as closed off and aloof as the day they met. She sniffed and added spitefully, "your kind never do."

Emma bristled at those words trying to hide how much they hurt. She knew Regina was just lashing out, much like she had done. "This changes nothing between us," Regina glared and pulled her into a punishing kiss to drive home how much Emma didn't mean to her.

"And don't you dare speak badly of my mother," Regina added as she roughly shoved Emma out of her way. Emma watched her go and she honestly didn't know who she hated more, herself or Regina.

XxXx

During the dress rehearsal Emma nearly broke the spotlight. She was up at the top of the stage to make sure the lights did what they were supposed to when Regina took centre stage in full costume. Emma gripped the cold iron of the hand railing as she stopped breathing. The spotlight followed Regina cutting through the darkness and making her shine.

James stretched enjoying the fact that his costume left little to the imagination. Mary-Margret who was also enjoying James costume crashed into Regina and they went down Regina letting out a pained yelp.

By the time Emma got down from the scaffolding the nurse was already there ordering Regina into the dressing room so that she could remove her costume. Regina looked panicked and Emma immediately knew why. Her costume was a one piece and she would have to get naked for the nurse to look at her ankle.

"Mary-Margret," Emma grabbed her as she rushed passed.

"Oh, my god Emma, Principal Mills is going to kill me," Mary-Margret whimpered.

Emma didn't really have time to comfort her, "stall the nurse, I need to help Regina with something," she ordered.

"You're going to help Regina?" Mary-Margret asked sceptically.

"Do you want to die or not?" Emma snapped.

"Okay, sheesh," Mary-Margret ran off and Emma slipped into the dressing room.

Regina was hyperventilating as she sat on one chair her foot propped up on the other. When she saw Emma at the door her eyes narrowed. "What do you want?" She snapped.

Emma rolled her eyes at the reappeared of the old Regina. She snatched a pair of scissors off the table, "hold still," she ordered and the whole way down Regina's injured leg. Regina started to protest but then relaxed as she realised the nurse wouldn't have to see her bruises.

Emma couldn't believe she was helping to cover up abuse.

She looked away in shame as she remembered Regina's pain filled gasps and frantic attempts to push Emma off her. "About the other night...I'm sorry," she said and gently reached out to brush Regina's hair out of her face, she did it slow so as to give Regina a chance to stop her this time. Regina didn't move and Emma let her thumb stroke over Regina's cheek softly before she rested their foreheads together.

_I am so sorry_, she thought and closed her eyes tightly.

Regina's hand cupped her own and it felt like forgiveness.

XxXx

Regina's ankle wasn't broken but she had taken to watching every version of Swan Lake ever committed to film because she couldn't attend practice. Emma got her the animated movie but they both agreed not only was it terrible but that the songs were painful to sit through.

"Why is your last name Woods?" Regina asked her one night as they lay on her bed. Regina was lying on her stomach on top of Emma who was still wary of pushing her into something she didn't want.

"They usually name orphans after where they found them. Most of the time its after the hospital or fire station that they were left, I'm just glad that they didn't name me 'Emma I 95 North,'" she grinned.

Regina smiled at her and placed a light kiss on her forehead. They were supposed to be watching the ballet on the tv but most nights devolved into this. Kissing, groping (on Regina's end, Emma was still hesitant to touch her) and little questions.

It turned out that away from everyone else, Regina could actually be really sweet.

"So why did you kiss me that night?" Regina asked running her finger over Emma's bare shoulder.

"Why not?" Emma dodged with a cocky grin. She didn't want to say how crazy Regina made her or how when Regina danced Emma forgot everything about escape plans, poverty, and never being good enough. "You've seen yourself in a one piece, you look hot."

Regina shook her head fondly. "It's past your curfew."

"You are not going to give me detention," Emma said scandalised at the notion. "It is just not right to give a half naked girl on your bed detention because you made her break curfew. That is completely unfair."

"I won't but some other prefect might," Regina smirked.

"Then I'll just be half naked on their bed too," Emma grinned sitting up.

"Don't you dare," Regina mock growled and Emma laughed. They kissed goodnight and Emma left Regina on the bed. She was really starting to feel sorry for Regina's roommate that was more or less banned from the room these days.

Emma stopped short as she excited Regina's room having looked up to find Principal Mills in front of her. She was dressed in a black and white hounds tooth skirt suit and ever present smug smile. "How is her ankle?" She asked ignoring that Emma was out after curfew. Her sharp eyes took in Emma's dishevelled appearance, the late hour and where she had come from and made the logical conclusion. Her smile deepened like a gash as she moved closer to Emma. "I trust you've made her feel better?"

"It's still hurt, you shouldn't force her to practice on it, feeding her painkillers will only hurt her in the long run," Emma glared and tucked in her shirt. She realised that some of the buttons were done up wrong and flushed. Mills, of course noticed and her smile was predatory. "I mean it," Emma snapped "just leave her alone. She's-"

Principal Mills struck quickly. Emma's back hit the wall as the older woman loomed over her until they were almost at eye level. She never lost that smile. Emma felt her place her hand under her chin and draw her face around. She remembered glaring fiercely at Cora trying her best not to seem like a cornered animal.

"She," Cora hissed softly still seeming largely amused at Emma, "is my daughter. I know what's best for her."

"Like abusing her?" Emma bit out and Mills grip on her jaw tightened painfully. It pried Emma's mouth open slightly as the Principals fingertips dug into her cheeks.

"I do what I can to make my daughter better, sometimes that conflicts with her happiness but sometimes not, after all," Cora's thumb softly stroked over Emma's protruding bottom lip which was still slightly swollen from Regina's kisses. Cora smirked lazily as she continued "did I not allow her to keep you?"

Emma jerked her head cringing at the other woman's inappropriate petting. "I'm not a goddamn pet!" She growled.

"Pet? Oh no," Cora laughed light and drew back slightly to once again take Emma in, "more like a valuable service provider. I'll admit that at the start I failed to see your charms," her gaze raked over Emma making her extremely aware of her rumpled attire, "but it's obvious you have your uses."

"If you don't let me go..." Emma swallowed the threat. There were very few times in her life that Emma would feel impotent with rage and most of them involved Cora in some way.

"You'll do what?" Mills mocked she waited but Emma stewed in silence. There really wasn't anything she could do without ruining her chances. Mills' smile deepened in satisfaction as she stepped back to reach into her purse, "with opening night so close, why don't you get Regina a present? Something nice, to relax her." She pulled out a small envelope and slid it into the chest pocket of Emma's shirt. The movement was slow and lingering and Cora even patted the pocket to make a point. "This should cover the expense."

Emma was shaking with anger and, despite her determination, shame. Cora slipped past her letting her touch loiter until the very last moment. She stopped with a hand on Regina's door. "Oh, Emma dear, don't worry about the change," she called out lightly "keep it as a tip for the excellent job you've done so far."

Emma tore the envelope from her pocket and savagely threw it to floor letting the money spill everywhere. She stalked away with Cora's laughter echoing after her.

XxXx

There was something different about Regina on opening night. Before she was as waspish as usually but as soon as she was on stage she seemed to transform. Emma didn't know much about ballet or dancing but she knew about Regina and for the first time since Emma knew her she looked happy.

If Emma thought she was graceful before that was nothing compared to that night.

In the later years Emma had to stop herself from comparing Regina to every cliché but the truth was she was all those stupid poetic things and more. When they called the final curtain Emma stood off to the side. The room was packed with thunderous applause and congratulations as Regina took her bow. She seemed to swell under the rare shower of praise, lighting up like a star. She turned towards Emma and smiled.

Emma's heart thudded and she knew she was in trouble.

She managed to contain herself and waited until the dressing room cleared. Technically she was supposed to be helping the other backstage crew clean up but she didn't care. Regina seemed to know to linger in the dressing room because as soon as Emma closed the door Regina was on her.

"I did it!" She said between kisses happy and excited. "I didn't fumble once!"

"You did," Emma was equally happy and surprisingly proud.

Regina gave a wicked grin and used all those dance muscles to twirl and lower Emma gently to the floor. She straddled Emma with a grin and Emma suddenly didn't mind or even remember the cold tile leaching her body heat. She was suddenly too hot anyway.

"How's your ankle?" she cleared her throat trying to regain some composure under Regina's heavy stare.

"Just dandy," Regina teased her as she knelt over Emma and placed small kisses around her face. She playfully smeared Emma's war streaks and rested her forehead on Emma's. They smiled goofily at each other. Regina bit her lip looking happy but unsure, she sat back and guided Emma's hand to the zip on the back of her costume. "Is this okay?" She asked shyly.

"Yeah," Emma choked out, this was suddenly the best idea Regina had ever had.

Regina smiled and helped Emma slid down the zip. She hesitated for all of a second before shrugging out of the top half of the costume and unhooking her bra. Emma's elbows nearly gave out as she saw Regina's bare breasts. There were still bruises but they were faint and easily ignored because of Regina's happy smile.

Emma did fall back when Regina took her hands and placed them over the soft flesh. She might have whimpered, Regina's smug grin said that she definitely did. Regina definitely gasped when Emma squeezed and her mouth fell open slightly.

"Did that hurt?" Emma took her hands away quickly. She didn't mean to treat Regina like glass but guilt and shame still ate at her from the night in the barn.

Regina rolled her eyes and brought her hands back to her breasts. Emma swallowed thickly wrestling with her own excitement as she lightly pinched the flesh beneath her hands. Regina's eyes fluttered shut but when she opened them again her face got suddenly serious, "Emma I'm so sorry about everything-"

"-The star of the show herself!"

They both sat bolt upright but it was too late. Principal Mills stood frozen in the doorway with a dozen other men in suits. Regina scrambled to her feet and used her arms to cover herself. "Mother-" She spluttered but the door had already slammed shut.

Emma lay frozen on the ground and Regina turned towards her deathly pale. "She's going to kill me..." Regina said dully as dread carried her voice far away.

"Not just you," Emma said grimly.

XxXx

"You were paid to provide my daughter with some relief, not to embarrass her in front of the wealthy alumni," Principal Mills stood behind her desk glaring down at Emma. "Do you know how embarrassing that incident was to my family?"

"Principal-" Emma started but Cora cut her off.

"Do not speak!" The older woman snapped. "This arrangement is at its end. Regina needs to put on a presentable front, to do that you will stay as far away from her as possible. I've already entered into damage control. Luckily I've managed to set her up with the son of a business associate and I don't need her distracted by you. I want you to break up with her and I want you to do it in a way that will cause her to hate you."

"What?" Emma protested.

"I've seen your lustful gaze molest my daughter, I know what sort of deviant thoughts you have. You were the one that started this perversion led by your own desires. They stop now, your services are no longer required," Principal Mills straightened up and glared imperiously down at Emma. "End this dalliance with my daughter so that she may salvage her reputation."

Emma's gaze fell as she realised she didn't want to end things with Regina.

"End it," Mills hissed her mouth twisted in a snarl, "or I will end you."

Emma glared up at her, "I told you I'm smart. I can get the grades on my own, I don't need you. I'll keep things with Regina discreet and you let my work get fairly marked. Everybody wins."

"I don't think so," Cora sneered, "child, you are in no position to bargain with me."

Emma gripped the armrests tightly. Cora meant every threat. Without graduating, she couldn't apply to colleges, she wouldn't get a good paying job and she would be doomed to be another failure of the system.

"You said you're smart," Principal Mills drew back to regain her temper, "where's the brains in giving up all your opportunities for a girl that would dump you in a heartbeat if I said so?"

Emma looked at the floor and thought about it. "If you're so sure that Regina would choose you over me, then why are you even giving me this offer?" She said at last with a defiant glare.

Principal Mills gave her a slow smirk "you think because I'm being generous I'm unsure of my position in Regina's affections? Oh, no, dear, I just wanted a simple solution but mark my words if you force me, I won't hesitate to get my hands dirty."

Emma left without another word.

XxXx

She didn't break up with Regina. It turns out she didn't need too, Regina took to actively avoiding her and when that didn't work to ignoring her completely. Emma would catch the Principal in the halls smirking at her and her fists would clench in anger.

All her tests came back with Fs even ones she knew she had got right. Teachers were quick to give her detention for minor infractions that a week ago they wouldn't have noticed. Any book Emma checked out of the library always got late fines no matter when she returned them. She had to spend most of her evenings working in the kitchen to pay off the fines because she didn't have any money. This was usually after a round of detention making her days unbearably long.

She was fired from being a stage hand and locked out of the auditorium so she couldn't watch Regina dance. Mary-Margret was subject to the same harassment until she finally stopped being friends with Emma for an easier life. Emma shouldn't have been surprised, everyone eventually left her. She was just annoyed that she broke another one of her rules by getting attatched.

Emma felt like yelling all the time. She wanted to tell the whole school about her and Regina and how Cora abused Regina and blackmailed Emma. She didn't care if no one would believe her, the rumours would be enough. As the old saying went 'there's no smoke without fire,' and people would wonder. If they examined Regina's back and saw all her bruises and welts then they would be inclined to believe the other things Emma said was the truth.

It was Regina's face that stopped her. Every time Emma came close to telling someone the look Regina wore the night in the stables would flash into her mind and her throat would close up. Exposing her like that, hurting her and opening her up to the ridicule that she would face if anyone believed Emma or worse the punishment Cora would inflict if no one did believe her...Emma couldn't do it, even now.

"Ah, Ms Woods, I'm afraid to say that there has been some allegations as to your cheating," Mrs Mills smiled at Emma across the desk her fake look of concern fooling no one. Mr Scrolls and Ms Tremaine, Emma's English teacher stood behind her in a unified show of intimidation.

"What?" the colour drained from Emma's face. She wouldn't possibly...

"Some of your teachers expressed some concerns about your recent plummeting grades and so looked over your last test and do you know what they found?" The Principal grinned and pushed a test paper towards Emma, it was blank save for her name and the stark red A+ in the corner. "This has of course got us worried and so we launched a full investigation into the matter. Normally this would have been put down to a computer error but most disturbingly, the key to the records office has went missing, as you know the records office is where the grades are stored. With that key it would be simple to change someone's recorded score."

"I didn't do it," Emma bit out. She glared incredulously at the Principal, she couldn't believe the other woman could keep her face straight.

"There's no evidence yet, but I thought it my duty to inform you of the investigation," Mrs Mills smiled keenly, "if we were to find the key in your possessions...well Ms Woods, I'm sure you know that it wouldn't look good for you."

_Bitch_, Emma nearly spat she was so disgusted.

Principal Mills' smile said it all, _be good or that key will turn up_.

XxXx

Emma was the last one in the shower in gym class. Everyone else had left and Emma rested her head against the cool tiles, her grades had started to be fairly marked again but she was working her ass off on extra credit to make up for the deficit. She would be lucky to graduate with a decent ranking let alone with top honours. She could feel her hope for a scholarship slip further and further away.

Damn Regina and her fucking bitch of a mother.

Emma growled with rage and slapped the tile wall again and again but it didn't make her feel even a little satisfied. She went to get her towel from where she had hid it, the last time she didn't hide it that and her clothes had disappeared.

"Emma," Regina's surprised voice made her look up.

Regina was in her gym class but she never actually took part and used it to practice ballet. She must have been surprised since this was the first time she had spoken to Emma in weeks. Emma glowered at her.

Regina looked away. She crossed the room and picked up the bag that she must have forgotten. Emma let her go without a word, Regina had made her choice and it wasn't Emma. It was never Emma.

"I'm sorry for the way my mother's been treating you," Regina didn't look at her, "I'm sorry I've caused you...I'm sorry."

Emma looked up but only to see Regina with her back to her. Regina was wearing a suspiciously large school shirt with long sleeves and casually had her arms wrapped around her ribs. Emma was across the room in seconds and pushing her against the door.

Regina cried out and tried to fight but as quickly as Emma was there she was back across the room stuffing her gym clothes into her bag. "She's ruined another one of your shirts," Emma said stiffly and walked out leaving Regina gasping in pain behind her.

She had thought that if she did everything Cora asked then she would somehow leave Regina alone.

That night she proved all the rumours about her upbringing true. She had easily snuck into the teachers quarters without being spotted and picked the lock on the Principal's room. Seeing the neat perfection Emma clenched her jaw. She spotted a birch stick and an assortment of belts and canes tucked away in the closet. She threw them on the bed and turned the chainsaw on.

Emma would later reflect that her life would have been so different if she never got involved with Regina Mills and the bitch that birthed her. She would have stuck to her plan and made something of her life. Instead she got attached to a girl that left her, got her academic career ruined by blackmail, and lived up to every stereotype of crazy white trash as she assaulted an 'upstanding' member of high society. She would finally come to accept that she was everything Regina and her mother said about her.

By the time Cora got there everything in her room was at least in two pieces. Emma stood in the middle chainsaw at her feet. "I found the key to the records office," she said throwing the key at the Principals feet.

"You little wretch!" Mills screeched, "security is on its way. You're out of here tonight. You've really screwed up badly this time Woods. When I get through with you-"

Emma's right hook hit her square in the jaw. She would always remember that as one of the most satisfying moments of her life. Cora looked up from the floor wide eyed in her shock as she cradled her jaw. "It's not as fun when someone hits back, is it?" Emma sneered. Already security was rounding the corner. She knelt down and pulled Cora up by the lapels of her business suit, "if you _ever_ hit her again. I'll come back and the chainsaw won't be for your stuff."

Cora looked worried for a second but then security roughly hauled Emma off her. She gave an amused laugh that was only half forced, "I knew you weren't very smart," Cora sneered getting to her feet. "You're kind always find a way to sabotage themselves."

Emma spat in her face.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I rewrote this after a computer crash wiped all my stories. As a result this chapter feels a lot more choppy to me. It fits more as a snap shot of Emma's POV of what happened in chapter two, but let me know if it doesn't feel right or needs more work.

Thanks and I hope you enjoy this after such a long wait.

XxXx

Cora didn't just black list her with schools, colleges and techs wouldn't even take her. Without a high school diploma Emma's options were extremely limited. At eighteen she was no longer the government's problem but anytime she found a hostel or a local Y she was asked to leave. She was lucky that Cora didn't press charges for assault, but part of her thought that Cora enjoyed seeing her homeless more. In prison she would have been able to finish high school and had a roof over her head and guaranteed meals. Prison would have been a luxury compared to her existence those tough few months.

Emma learned that she didn't fit anywhere, she was too poor and rough for the likes of Skycastle but she was also too soft and educated for the other runaways and people like her. She had been shunned by a local gang of young homeless and just asked to leave a local woman's shelter when she found herself in Boston's Public Gardens. A pair of swans where walking side by side near the water's edge and in a fit of rage she threw a brick at a pair.

She didn't mean to hit one. She had no idea if it was a male or female she hit but she was immediately regretful. She went to see if she could help it and the other swan attacked her. Emma didn't realised how vicious swans could be, they looked so damn depressed most of the time that she was surprised when the mate chased her for nearly a block.

By the time she realised that it was no longer following her she was out of breath and collapsed on a bench. She was starving and fed up with being dirty and having nowhere to go. The worse thing though, was she couldn't get the image of the injured swan out of her head.

It was the closest Emma had ever come to crying in public.

She spent the last of her money on a cheap postcard and stamp and pretended it had nothing to do with the image of a broken swan.

XxXx

"Swan! Table nine's order is up!" Gill snapped at her.

She grabbed the plates and served the two construction workers with a smile. Getting the job at the diner had saved her life and as much as Gill loved to snap at her, the old man looked after her. He was also her land lord so she owed him more that she cared to admit too. She paid him back by taking all the awkward shifts and never complaining when she filled in for the other two work shy waitresses.

The day Regina Mills walked in to her diner Emma didn't even hesitate. They locked eyes and Regina gave her this unbridled smile of pure joy and Emma let it sweep away all the bitterness and loneliness as she kissed Regina for all she was worth.

If Regina and Emma ever had a honeymoon period it would have been those first few weeks after reuniting.

Then Cora arrived. She quit her job as principal and moved Regina and herself into an apartment. Emma hated her. Cora kept a tight leash on Regina even now with constant phone calls and checking in.

"How can she think you spend all this time at the library?" Emma remembered asking as she brought Regina a salad.

Regina looked up from her pile of text books gratefully. "She drops me off in the mornings and sends a car to pick me up on the nights I don't spend with you. Everything is fine so long as she sees me entering the building and I meet the car in front of the library."

"I'm surprised you're allowed to spend the night at my place," Emma frowned.

"She thinks I'm spending it with Susan or Kevin," Regina scoffed. Emma also hated Kevin the sensitive jock that was also pre-law. He was also handsome and rich and capable of giving Regina everything she couldn't.

"Does your mom know about me?" Emma remembered dreading the answer for so many reasons.

Regina paused mid bite and lowered her fork. "My mother isn't stupid," that wasn't really an answer to Emma but it was all she got. "I can't stay at yours this Friday. The law society is having a night for fresher's which will be a good chance to make some proper contacts."

Emma just gave her a tight smile and went back to cleaning. She remembered thinking that there was no way that she would ever be considered a 'proper contact' in Regina's circle.

XxXx

Emma had only been to one college party in her life and she was surprised she didn't get arrested. Regina had asked her to come and Emma was pleased but trying not to show her pleasure at being invited out with Regina's friends.

Most of the night had passed fairly easy with only a few snide remarks from sorority girls about Emma's outfit. Regina glared at them and Emma felt like such a girl being defended that way but secretly loved it. Even Kevin with his obvious crush on Regina didn't bother her.

She had just returned from getting them fresh drinks to find Regina gone and the conversation turned to a subject Emma knew nothing about.

"The rule of law, honestly how can you espouse Harts pluralist theory as even being remotely relevant in today's world?" Kevin scoffed at a thick necked boy in a polo shirt. Emma had been told his name but had immediately forgotten it.

"Well, it's still the leading theory in the British legal system and really you can't tell me you credit Fuller more than Hart –the man was a sexual deviant that had no background in law. He was a jumped up sociologist that gave his field far more credit than it was worth," Thick neck responded.

"The rule of law is the normative force that controls the masses, we can debate intellectually about it all night but at the end of the day, it's its effect on the hoi polloi that will really settle the argument," Kevin said in what he probably assumed was a reasonable manner but which Emma thought was a douche bag tone. "Luckily enough, we happen to have a fine specimen with us tonight."

It was when the entire group all turned towards her without him having to identify her that Emma felt both humiliated and pissed.

"Well what do you say Emily?" Thick neck asked having the gall to sound genuinely interested like he hadn't just joined in on the insult. "Hart or Fuller?"

"She probably doesn't know who they are. I'll break it down for you-" Kevin's smile was so condescending that Emma's fists curled in reaction. She was about ready to pound his pampered ass when Regina grabbed her elbow and cut off Kevin.

"-Dworkin was the only one of those dead white men worth a damn. Besides the feminist and race critics are the only theorists that have any damn applicability to the rule of law in a modern society and you know it," Regina stepped in shooting Emma a look like she was a white knight. "Now come on Emma, let's have some actual fun at this party."

Emma didn't feel like she had been rescued at all. She just felt stupid.

XxXx

Emma's breath hitched as her hand got higher up Regina's skirt. Regina moaned and deepened the kiss and Emma shifted on top of her excitedly. Maybe tonight they would finally go all the way. The prospect nearly made her dizzy and she moved to give herself more room.

Regina's hand came down over her own but then fluttered away and Emma pressed her luck. The kissing became sloppier like it did when Regina got distracted. Trying her best to get her back in the moment Emma told her how pretty she was and started to place quick little kisses along her neck.

"Emma..." Regina breathed out unsure but she angled her hips towards Emma.

That wasn't a no and it wasn't a stop, so Emma pressed on and gasped as she touched Regina's underwear. She couldn't believe this was finally happening – she was so glad she had shaved her legs!

"Emma...Emma!" Regina pushed her back and tapped her on the nose.

Emma pulled away and her face fell in shock. "Did you just smack me on the nose?!" Like she was a misbehaving dog?! She squinted at Regina in disbelief.

"I-I didn't know what else to do you didn't seem to be listening," Regina said flustered and wide eyed.

Emma just gazed at her knowing she looked idiotic with her mouth still hanging open. "I can't believe you just did that," she said now more bemused and slightly offended as she sat up on the couch. The clock caught her eye and she sighed. "Aw, I have the breakfast shift tomorrow. I'm going to head to bed."

"You're okay right?" Regina asked. She usually got a little self conscious when she forced them to stop.

Emma shrugged and gave her a smile. What could she do? She was frustrated as hell but she wouldn't force Regina to do anything before she was ready. "It's okay. You're staying the night right?"

"Yeah," Emma's place was closer to the campus library so Regina usually stayed over. At the start it had been on the couch but that didn't last. "I'll go to bed as soon as I've finished this article, which I would have had done..."

"...If I didn't accost you, I'm such a bad person," Emma rolled her eyes but stole a quick kiss as she headed into the bedroom.

Regina came in half an hour later and Emma sat bolt upright suddenly wide awake. "No," she bit out shaking her head.

"What?" Regina froze in the doorway.

"No," Emma said simply again waving her hand over what Regina was wearing. "If you're wearing that, you're sleeping on the couch."

Regina looked like she would protest but Emma was adamant. "No, Regina, it's not fair. I'm not allowed to get mad at you for giving me the world's biggest case of blue balls because you don't want to have sex, but then you wear something like that and I'm supposed to not try and get it off you? No, sleep on the couch or put a t-shirt on!"

"Emma your being silly," Regina rolled her eyes and smooth down her grey negligee.

Seeing that she wasn't budging Emma grabbed her pillow and left the room. She flopped down on the couch and ignored Regina's annoyed calling. Later she was startled awake by Regina shaking her shoulder.

"What?" Emma muttered already closing her eyes again.

"Come back to bed," Regina huffed.

Emma cracked open one and seeing Regina still in that negligee she turned around with a groan. "Not until you put on some real clothes."

There was silence as Regina shifted behind her then eventually said, "I look stupid in it, don't I?"

Emma turned her head slightly to peer over her shoulder awkwardly. Regina was looking at the floor and biting her lip.

"I knew I shouldn't have bought it," Regina muttered self consciously. She stood up looking embarrassed and Emma quickly rolled over and caught her wrist.

"Whoa, you don't look stupid," Emma said with a frown, "Regina I'm not sleeping on my lumpy couch because you look bad. It's because I wouldn't be able to keep my hands to myself."

"Oh," Regina muttered but she looked reassured.

"Why did you buy something like that anyway?" Emma asked unable to stop her leer.

Regina shifted awkwardly, "do you think I'm frigit?"

"Yes," Emma answered automatically but seeing Regina flinch she realised that she was actually serious. "No, you just want to wait and there's nothing wrong with that. I know I might huff sometimes but I don't mean it, I want you to want this when you're ready, I don't want to force you into anything."

"I know," Regina nodded but she still looked doubtful.

"So what's really wrong?" Emma pressed her tugging her down on the couch.

"I overheard some people in class talking about who they would have sex with. My name came up and they all laughed and said I was frigit and had no sex appeal," Regina looked both annoyed and embarrassed. "I don't care what they think, but I didn't want you to think that so..."

"You bought a sexy nightdress," Emma finished and then shook her head. "So let me get this straight, you bought sexy underwear to show me how sexy you were but still won't let me touch you below the waist and that's supposed to show me that you're not frigit?"

Regina smacked her arm hearing the condescending tone Emma tried to hide. "Well, I definitely know you have sex appeal now, you're just a damn tease about it," Emma grinned.

"Emma," Regina snapped but Emma made no attempt to hide her laughter. She scooped up her pillow and heading back into the bedroom.

When Regina followed her she was hit up the face with a pair of cotton pyjama bottoms. "There's nothing wrong with being frigit but everyone hates a tease," Emma laughed.

Regina sighed with great exaggeration and put the bottoms on before getting into bed. She waited until she thought Emma was asleep and kissed her shoulder. "Thank you."

"No problem, now shut up and go to sleep," Emma mumbled.

XxXx

Waiting for Regina to be ready for sex was one of the most confusing times in Emma's life. Part of her really wished that Regina would hurry up and get ready while another part of her was almost terrified about it.

Emma had never had sex with anyone. When Regina would ask her about her history she would become evasive out of embarrassment. She was supposed to be the experienced one. In everything else Regina had the lead, so this was supposed to be the area where Emma could take over.

Except Emma was terrified.

The terror only really struck when Emma had time to think about it, when she was actually in the middle of making out she was too busy feeling elated, or frustrated as was lately the case. She didn't panic about how wrong everything could go or get insecure because Emma just wasn't a fast learner. All her knowledge was gained through painfully boring practice, she never took to anything naturally.

She had a tendency to lash out when she felt insecure or stupid which usually led to her getting angry and reacting without thought. That always left her in worse shape with a chainsaw in her hands or Regina's petrified face starring at her in a barn.

More than anything in the world Emma never wanted to feel like she was forcing Regina.

Emma bit her lip as she opened her utility cupboard. Behind the towels and cleaning stuff that Regina wouldn't go near, was her secret weapon. It was a stash of actual dog earned paper backed books that claimed to be tutorials on how to be the best lover possible. Going into an adult bookstore hadn't fazed her in the slightest, until she got to the counter and a woman old enough to be her grandmother, was behind the cash register.

She had almost died of embarrassment.

It was then that Emma felt a keen sense of pity and kinship for anyone born before the internet where this was their only option for adult material. Regina had become enraged the one time Emma tried to look this stuff up online and had become convinced that Emma was trying to pressure her into sex. In fairness Emma hadn't bookmarked anything and she would have deleted the history but Regina was the one that demanded her laptop back without letting Emma close down the window.

That had put a stop on Emma using the computer to learn about sex. Although in later years she realised this was a good thing she couldn't help but feel that Regina owed her. That geriatric behind the counter enjoyed suggesting videos to go along with the books far too much for Emma's comfort.

Slowly, however, Emma's stash grew. She had spent a fortune on new sheets and while they weren't silk they were better quality than anything Emma had ever used. She also had fake roses that she swiped from the diner on Valentines Day and lots of those stupid tiny candles. She had even managed to pick up the Swan Lake soundtrack at a thrift store, now she just had to get a cd player.

She wanted it to be special.

Regina deserved special and if she was being really honest Emma wanted special too. She didn't want a one night stand in a cheap motel or a rushed affair in an alley. They had waited so long and over come so much that they deserved to have something more than a seedy experience. As girly and soft as it was, Emma wanted their first time to be perfect.

She never did get what she wanted when it came to Regina.

XxXx

Standing in a sexy red dress just inside the auditorium of a prestigious college Emma didn't feel in control at all. The valet had nearly swallowed his tongue when he saw her while an old man leered at her while his wife turned her nose up. She had dressed up so as not to embarrass Regina but might have overdone it. She fixed her hair self consciously trying to cover up some of her cleavage with it.

"Ms Woods, how odd it is to see you here."

Her fidgeting was interrupted as Emma turned her head sharply to find Cora standing in a lavender business suit.

"She has a commanding presence doesn't she?" Cora gave her sharp smile with the dark mocking twist that she reserved just for Emma. "Now, what are you doing here, stalking my poor Regina?"

Emma sneered at her and refused to speak. Honestly her stomach coiled with rage and impotence. The well dress crowd milled around and chatted casting scandalised looks at Emma as she clenched her fists. Cora smiled pointedly in the direction of a security guard that had moved to stand nearby his hand falling to his radio as he eyed Emma.

"She is wonderful, isn't she?" Cora sighed and turned back to Regina who was making the opposing team look like stumbling idiots. "She doesn't even believe in transnational justice but look how convincing she argues for it? She's a born orator. Some might call it lying or manipulation, but really it's just politics. Nothing personal," she pushed off the door frame and a clawed hand dared to touch Emma's bare arm.

Emma roughly jerked away giving her a scalding glare.

Cora let out a short condescending laugh and shot a pointed look at the security guard. "Then again it's not as if I have to tell you, of all people, how good my Regina is in telling someone what they want to hear."

Emma watched her walk away but her parting shot burrowed deep. Cora paused to speak softly in the security guards ear her hand briefly touching his wrist as she passed. The security guard nodded and made his way to Emma.

"If you could follow me miss," the guard said gruffly.

"Why?" Emma bit out.

"You're neither a student nor guest, we therefore have reason to believe you're trespassing," the guard reached for her and she jerked away. Trespassing was just another way to say that she didn't belong.

"Miss," the guard said warningly causing the crowd to turn towards them.

Emma flushed but didn't want to cause a scene and embarrass Regina. She allowed security to escort her from the auditorium and off campus. She was about to go home and sulk when she spotted Regina heading into a building without security. When Regina looked up at her later filled with her own self satisfaction, resentment churned in Emma's stomach. Regina's earlier words twisted with Cora's mocking her.

"_You think all your rough talk means something," Regina said her voice low and condescending. "If you describe what we do as 'fucking' or 'screwing' and use words like 'cunt' then it somehow means you don't value it."_

But Regina could see right through her and Emma hated it. She felt like such a fool. Her legs spread in some random office, in a dress she couldn't afford after being completely taken apart by Regina's mouth.

"_Please Regina...I...need you."_

It didn't matter what she called it, the end result was that Regina knew she had the power to make Emma need her. She knew exactly what Emma wanted. All the 'I love you's' – was that Regina just telling her what she wanted to hear? Regina was staring up at her arrogantly, taking in how vulnerable she made Emma.

"I always knew a bitch like you would have a wicked mouth," Emma forced a smirk trying to gain back some of her dignity.

The slap took her by surprise and she was left confused as Regina walked out.

XxXx

The day Emma realised that she wasn't good enough for Regina was the beginning of the end.

Emma had just got off a nine hour shift. She staggered into her apartment exhausted only to find Regina waiting for her. Emma was surprised because they were still fighting over Emma refusing to go out with Regina's friends.

"What's that?" Emma eyed Regina's outstretched hand warily.

"I get it," Regina smiled, "you get upset when my friends and I talk about our courses, or when I have an assignment you can't understand or talk about my future job prospects," Regina looked so pleased with herself, like she had solved all their problems. "You're bored. You were really smart in school and working as just a waitress must be killing you. Now you can be more."

Emma numbly remembered taking the community college brochure from Regina. Regina was so happy and oblivious the punch in the gut she had just delivered.

"Sure, it's not like a real college but it's a start and you could make your way into higher education eventually. Emma, you can finally be proud of what you are!" Regina practically beamed at her.

She remembered feeling so many things, insulted, angry but most of all inferior. The truth was that Emma didn't graduate high school, she couldn't go to a college. She would have to get a GED and then maybe if she was lucky and won the lottery she would be able to afford to go to a third rate local college. Except she couldn't do that, because Emma had already tried enrolling to get the equivalent of a high school diploma, but had been rejected because Cora had black listed her.

Standing up for Regina had ruined her academic career and her life.

_You _were_ really smart... _

"...just a waitress?" Emma echoed dully as she dropped the brochure. What she really wanted to do was scream at Regina. Tell her exactly how much getting involved with her and her mother had cost her. The truth was Emma wasn't sure what Regina would do. She was Regina's dirty little secret and if Cora told her too Regina would leave Emma taking away her last joy.

"You can't be a waitress all your life Emma," Regina caught Emma's tone and completely misread it. "You can do better."

Except Emma couldn't do better. Getting a waitress job had been hard enough for Emma. Being on the streets wasn't that much of a distant memory that the fear of ending up back there wasn't fresh. "How am I getting the money for this?" Emma snapped.

"I could-" Regina started but shut up quickly at Emma's withering look. "I just thought it would finally be nice if you actually had a career to work towards. It would also be nice if we could have a more challenging conversation than a high school level discussion," Regina sighed looking almost imploringly at Emma, "I can't exactly sneak away to the diner between court sessions Emma."

That was when Emma realised as much as the offer for college was to make Emma's life better, it was also to save Regina the embarrassment of having to be seen with her.

XxXx

Emma gripped the ring in her pocket with all her might as she hurried through the airport. She really wanted to catch Regina before she got on the plane. She had to give her answer and she didn't want to let Regina go on thinking that Emma didn't care for her when it was the complete opposite.

"Excuse me miss could you stop for a second?" A security guard stepped in front of her just as she was about to go through the metal detectors.

"What's this about?" Emma asked annoyed. There was no way Cora could actually pay off airport security right? She wasn't that well connected.

"Your mother asked us to look out for you," the security guard said before talking into his radio. "She said she has your medicine."

"Mr I don't know who my mother is and I don't need medicine," Emma tried to shove past but the metal detector went off and another guard stood in her way.

"Miss you have to empty your pockets," the first guard said, "your mother will be here any second to escort you to your flight."

"I told you-" Emma snapped as the other guard waved over a female guard to frisk her.

"Emma darling!" Cora's voice held an exaggerated warmth as she appeared on the other side of the security barrier.

Emma glared at her fiercely. Was there really no aspect of her life that this woman couldn't meddle with? "Cora I swear to god if you don't move I'll go right through you."

"Now now dear, I have you medicine right here," Cora held up her purse and the security guard let her through without having to go through the metal detector. "Denise you're a wonderful man. I'll be sure to tell your supervisor how helpful you were to me and my daughter."

"Don't touch me!" Emma snapped yanking her arm away when Cora looked like she was going to take it.

Cora held up her hands "darling you don't want to cause a scene at the airport. Now why don't we go over here a bit and talk. Just give me five minutes to say my piece and I'll leave you to your dramatic gesture."

"I don't trust you. Regina's plane probably leaves in five minutes," Emma snorted.

The former principal rolled her eyes and waved behind her, "Regina is right there, close enough for you to yell and throw a tantrum in order to get her attention. Surely a short conversation is a low price to pay without my interference? You do remember how much I can interfere don't you, dear?"

Regina was just across the way in a group roughly the same age and their parents. She was chatting with Kevin and searching the crowd for something. Emma's heart leap with nervous excitement as the ring seemed to grow heavy in her pocket. Even the sight of Kevin being overly friendly wasn't enough to damper her mood. The thought of talking to Regina without Cora ruining everything was too good an opportunity to pass up.

"What are you up to?" Emma asked suspiciously. She half expected Cora to have a swat team wrestle her out of the airport.

Cora smiled benignly and moved out of the way of the security checkpoint and Regina's view. Emma followed warily but made sure to stand so that she could keep Regina in her sights. She could always just yell loudly if Cora did something.

"I expect that you're here for a grand romantic declaration," Cora didn't even try to keep the scorn from her voice. "I also gather from Regina's lacklustre mood that you've had a disagreement that you plan to set right. So, let's say I let you pass and you reunite...then what?"

Emma frowned at the question. Cora tilted her head to the side and gave her one of those cutting smiles. "What do you mean?"

Cora laughed lightly "well, darling, I simply mean what's next? How do you expect this to end? What's your happy ever after?"

Truthfully Emma hadn't really thought much beyond clearing things up with Regina and setting things right in the present.

Cora seemed to sense her hesitation and continued on. "Just look at her," she said stepping until she was behind Emma and they could both see Regina, "she's going to rule the world one day. She is smart, connected and ambitious. What can you possibly offer her?"

Emma swallowed hard as Regina helped one of her friends to translate her map. She was so confident and sure of herself that Emma suddenly felt like there was more than a few yards between them. Her hand then went to her pocket and to the ring and she suddenly felt a lot better because she could offer Regina something she never really had before. "...love," she said softly but with sincerity.

There was a burst of genuine laughter before Cora regained control of herself. Emma's faced flushed hotly but the ring was still comforting. "Darling, what good is that in the real world?" Cora scoffed, "its simple dear, Regina will no doubt run into your arms and accept your _love _whole heartedly. For now. But make no mistake there will come a time that your love won't be enough. It will cost her much in the way of contacts, influence, power and opportunities and she will grow to resent you."

"I wouldn't ask her to give anything up," Emma protested with a glare.

"And yet she would - for you. Do you honestly think that you would be an asset to her when you can't even walk in the same world? That an uneducated diner worker will fit into the same conversations as judges and politicians? She would grow to resent you or tire of you," Cora was so close to Emma's back that she could feel the heat coming off the other woman like an oppressive presence. "I'm just trying to avoid wasting all that time. It's better for you two to end it now, than a few years down the line, when you've made her squander her opportunities."

The worst thing was that Cora was already right. Emma had been shown time and time again that she didn't fit, and wasn't welcome, in Regina's world. She couldn't count the amount of parties or functions Regina had missed to stay in with Emma because she refused to go.

Was a part of Regina already starting to resent her?

There was a ring in her pocket that seemed to refuse that idea. It was an acknowledgement that Regina wanted more, wanted Emma. The solid weight of the ring was a reminder of a proposal that Emma desperately wanted to say yes to and she glared at Cora with renewed conviction.

"However," Cora placated holding her hands wide in a peaceful gesture, "let's say that you are right, and love is enough. That my ambitious little Regina is completely happy with your plebeian self being the only thing you have to offer her... Are you really that selfish?"

The question cut to the core of Emma and she looked away from Regina.

"If you can tell me a way in which you wouldn't hold her back then I will step aside and meddle no more," Cora said softly her gaze intense like a snakes as her hands came to rest lightly on Emma's shoulders as she leaned in close, "will you really drag her down with you? Can you be anything other than a burden to her...?"

Emma's stomach dropped as she realised this was what she had feared all along. All their fights had been about this. More and more Regina was leaving her behind in different ways and Emma couldn't keep up. The weight of the ring didn't seem at all reassuring now; it just seemed like an anchor.

She could only hold Regina back, bring her down to her level.

"Ah, it seems my five minutes are up," Cora stepped away returning to her normal tone one hand trailing gently down Emma's arm making her shudder. "I'll trust you to make the right decision," and then Cora smugly walked away to leave Emma clutching a ring that she knew she would never get to use.

XxXx

"That lady looks lost," Trish said snorted so hard her nose ring almost came out.

"Emma doesn't she kind of look like your old girlfriend?" Hank asked.

"She wasn't my girlfriend," Emma muttered refilling Hanks coffee. Her friends all laughed at her denial. They had often mocked her for dating a 'princess' so it had been easier to deny it. It was the wrong description anyway, Regina was such a big part of Emma's old life that 'girlfriend' didn't even begin to cover it. They had never really labelled what they were until one night they tried and it was too late. The only real description that might have come close was forever silently captured in a tiny gold ring that even now weighed down Emma's pocket.

"Leave her alone, she's driving stick now," Trish smirked "about time she came to her senses."

"No, seriously," Hank frowned, "that looks just like an older Regina."

"Excuse me waitress, can I get some service?"

The cultured voice rang out in the diner. It easily travelled across time as well as the afternoon chatter until Emma was once again a kid in the principals office being told her future was no longer in her own hands.

"Cora..." Emma swallowed thickly going pale. Her hand tightened on the handle of the coffee jar until the pain brought Emma back to the present.

Emma turned to find Cora reclining on the bar stool like it was a throne. Her sharp green business suit looked like it should burst into flames after having come into contact with something so cheap as the linoleum of the stool padding.

"What do you want?" Emma growled defaulting to anger.

"Why so hostile? What little indignation are you attributing to me now?" Cora's smile was all sharp white teeth and blood red lipstick.

"I thought I would have seen the last of you," Emma went behind the counter. She wasn't sure if she was using it as a shield to protect herself from Cora or to protect Cora from herself.

"I was passing by," Cora shrugged still looking delighted. She toyed with the menu running one gloved finger over the laminated surface teasingly, "and I thought I would get something to eat."

"We don't serve sacrificial virgins here," Emma snapped jerking the menu out of the older woman's hands.

Cora let it go with a flutter of her fingers. A slight tighten in the sharpness of her gaze was the only indication of what she thought of Emma's rudeness. "Must have been taken off the menu then. My daughter tried one of those – she wouldn't recommend it."

Emma flushed at Cora's pointed look. Her hand fluttered resisting the urge to shoot inside her pocket to make reassure herself that the ring was still there. She knew it that it was stupid, of course it was still there, the weight hadn't left her.

"What do you want?" Emma asked again her voice tight with control.

"That boy in the leather jacket that left not too long ago, he suits you," Cora smiled all tension leaving her eyes. "The motorcycle was slight over kill, but then, you always were too much."

_Funny_, Emma remembered thinking, _I always thought I was never enough_. "You've been watching me."

"Haven't I always?" Cora purred her heated gaze caressing up and down Emma's body like it used to. "Did you really think that would change?"

"Go to hell!" Emma bit out, "there's no reason for you to be in my life anymore!"

Cora threw her head back and laughed. She brought up her snake skin hand band and set it on the counter with a thump. "I know," her eyes widened in delight – her honest smile was the creepiest yet. "I've watch you and my darling daughter these last for months – and I believe you. There really is no reason for me to bother with you anymore. That's what I've come to tell you."

Emma felt something tighten painfully as she realised just what that meant. If Cora didn't see her as a threat any longer then Regina...

"But while I'm here," Cora continued reaching over to pluck a postcard from the small stand they kept by the register. It was the ugliest postcard they had for sale, just a plain shot of the New Haven background. "I might as well get this. I do so love getting letters from my daughter," she pulled a few papers out of her bag, for all the world she looked like a simple lady looking for her purse.

The papers on the counter were various letters and pictures; Regina standing in front of a big building with lots of flags smiling happily at the camera. Regina posing with powerful looking people in suits looking serious. Regina hugging Kevin close.

Regina having the time of her life without Emma.

"I do wish you all the best with your newest pursuit. He seems so perfect for you," Cora place twenty dollars on the counter for the postcard. "Don't worry about the change dear. Consider it my parting bonus."

Emma watched in silence as Cora nonchalantly swept the pictures back into her bag dropping her purse on top of them. She strode purposefully to the door and paused just before walking out of Emma's life altogether. Cora gave her one last caressing look before declaring with her crimson smile, "goodbye Emma."

Emma clenched the ring so tight in her fist that there was a perfect imprint for days afterward.

XxXx

Prison was the best thing that happened to her. Her story wasn't that unique, plenty of other girls got mixed up with the wrong guy, made a mistake and gone to jail for it. The pregnancy was surprisingly easy, especially since she spend all of her time ignoring it. It made studying slightly harder due to her bulk but within her first year she had taken the test and now had a high school diploma.

The hardest thing about prison was when the nurse asked her, "do you want to hold him?"

The little bundle in the nurse's arms hadn't made a sound since his first cry. Emma had been worried but the doctors assured her that that was normal. "I'm okay," she said tiredly sitting up. He was so tiny that she was afraid she would break him.

"Have you thought any more about what you're going to do?" The nurse pressed. "I know you've asked us about private adoption but if that doesn't work out-"

"-Don't you have a bedpan to change or something?" Emma said dismissively. She had thought about just giving the kid over to the state and never looking back, but her own experiences with foster homes had stopped her. If a private couple didn't want him then she would have to decide between keeping him and giving him to the state. She wasn't ready to be anyone's mom and she still had some of her sentence to carry out so the kid would be in the system no matter what she did. The only thing she had control over was how long he was there.

At night she would look down at his pink face and wonder. His tiny fist wrapped around her finger tethering them together in a more real way than their previous nine months. Here he was real and not just an eventuality.

She wanted to do so much with her life, finally make something of herself but that would be so hard if she had to care for him too. For all her attempts at making her life better she still didn't have any more to offer this kid than she could have offered to Regina. At least back then she didn't have a criminal record.

"He's not going in the system," she told the doctor finally.

"So you're going to keep him?" The doctor frowned scornfully. He just saw another criminal making another mistake.

Emma looked down at the baby in his cot. She still hadn't named him or even held him. His eyes were open but he was chewing his blanket rather than looking at her. Years ago she had tried her best to save Regina and that had turned out badly for her. This kid was even more defenceless and saving him might cost her even more. "Yes," she shook her head, she couldn't believe she was sticking her neck out again, "he's not going into the system, put me down on his birth certificate."

"Let's not be so hasty dearie."

A well dressed man in a pinstripe suit stood in the doorway of the infirmary. He leant heavily on a cane and had a sharp pointed face that reminded Emma of a jackal. "Who are you?"

"Excuse my bad manners," he said coming forward his hand outstretched "my name is Mr Gold, I'm from social services. We've just been informed that there is a loving family waiting to take baby...?"

"I didn't name him," Emma replied when it was obvious he was looking for the kid's name.

"All the better for his new family then," Mr Gold smiled, he handed his card to Emma and the doctor, "all's that is needed is the mothers permission and we can set this handsome little boy up in a new home."

"If you don't mind I'm going to make some phone calls," the doctor said suspiciously as he eyed Mr Gold.

"Go right ahead dearie, that will give me time to walk Ms Swan through the procedure," Mr Gold turned to Emma.

"Who's this mysterious family?" Emma asked standing protectively in front of the crib and folding her arms.

"You were the one that asked for a closed adoption," Mr Gold said lightly.

"I'm not agreeing to hand the kid over, you could be anyone," Emma glared.

"The doctor is no doubt checking my credentials which you are more than free to do yourself. As for the family I represent, I can tell you that they are wealthy and eager to welcome the boy into their home," Mr Gold's tone was kind and he looked at the baby with real softness. Emma couldn't sense a lie.

"Tell me," she said watching him carefully, "are they good people? Will they take care of him?"

"That my dear I can answer. The child will want for nothing, the mother will love him like her own and she will give him everything his little heart could desire," Mr Gold promised. There was no hesitation or hedging and Emma with some disappointment realised he was telling the truth.

Whoever this family was, they could give him more than she could.

The doctor returned looking much more respectful, "I'm sorry that took so long Mr Gold. Everything checks out, I'm sorry to have doubted you."

"No worries," Mr Gold smiled turning back to Emma and producing a folded up contract from his breast pocket. "Alls you need to do to give this child his best chance is to sign right here."

Emma took the contract and turned her back on them. The kid had his little fist curled tight up against his cheek. She stroked the soft hair on his head lightly and jerked back when he turned towards the touch. He was so small.

They had taken her ring when she went to prison and right now she felt its absence keenly. This was just another situation where she wasn't good enough.

"One day," she promised him and herself as she signed the paper. One day she would finally be good enough. Maybe.

XxXx


End file.
